What Sucks Presents: Just In Case You Thought The Human Race Was In Any Way Redeemable, Vol 3: Woman Throws Puppies Into A River!

Okay, there is video to this here, (I can’t get myself to embed it) but I seriously warn you, it is of a piece-of-human-garbage woman literally throwing defenseless puppies into a creek so that they drown. It is the type of thing that has no irony, no sick-humor quality. It’s shot unimaginatively and the person doing this horrible thing is not drunk or whacked out on drugs or anything- watching this video will ruin your day, so don’t.

The way the woman does it too, with this sickeningly casual attitude is something she should be made to pay for. There’s a YouTube video quality to it, she kind of senses the “craziness” of the whole situation. I really hope she one day runs into a bear or something. I’m not the type of person who is an animal freak either- hell, if these were baby sharks or snakes or scorpions or even Chihuahuas I would have probably posted the video, except her throwing baby sharks into a river wouldn’t be serving the same purpose, but you know what I mean.

Anyway, special place in hell for this lady and for a mankind that would do something to this woman somewhere along the line that would allow for her to think it was okay to do this. I don’t think other animals do this. And if they do, they certainly don’t video tape it.

Too many people on this Earth.



UPDATE: Apparently they think she is from Bosnia, I mean I don't know how but you know, that's right about where all those Hostel movies take place so, you know, good guess.
Follow What Sucks on Twitter!

What Sucks…Paris Hilton

Bad news for Paris Hilton, good news for dudes who like to spank it to mug-shots, Paris was arrested this weekend in Vegas for possession of cocaine. I don’t have all the facts yet but from what I can discern, police first became suspicious when they saw Paris Hilton in Vegas.

Cough. In. The. Hand. While. Saying. “Coke. Whore.”

Note to Paris: be careful in Vegas at the end of the month, the coppers have that “vapid C-word, heiress" arrest quota to fill and you will always be a sitting duck!
Follow What Sucks on Twitter!

What Sucks…Heidi Montag

A marriage lies in ruins, one man is dead and now his legacy of performing 10 plastic surgery procedures on one woman, in one day, is in jeopardy. This is the saga of Heidi Montag’s boobs.

I try not to write a lot about Heidi Montag here because I don’t want to know anything about her. I never was a fan of The Hills or the show that came before/ after it, and I felt like, she wasn’t my problem. She was something that MTV wrought on the world. MTV is the Fox News for young people by the way. Fox News creates and gives unfettered airtime to a-holes for adults (Glenn Beck, Palin, etc.), MTV does the same thing for younger people (The Hills cast, Jersey Shore, etc.) There are differences of course, MTV cares about people with HIV, Fox pays the people who appear and staff their shows. But I digress- this is about Heidi.

Lately, it seems Heidi been making a push to have people recognize her for sucking and being that this blog basically functions on a Suck-meritocracy, fine- I’ll talk about her.

Add “having giant F-cup sized cans” to the ever growing list of things Heidi Montag can’t do, as she announced this week she will be under-going surgery to have her breast implants removed. Yes, Heidi Montag’s sized F boobs, we hardly knew ya, and I am sure you will be the highlight of next year’s “In Memoriam” at the Idiot Awards which I am told will be hosted by…......... (hmm, what name to put in this joke…) ……….. (who’s it gonna be?) ………… (Spencer Pratt?) ……. (Heidi herself?) ….. (go outside with a ‘Sarah Palin?’) …. (maybe the goes “hostless” like the Golden Globes- or is that just what an award show says when they can’t book a host?!) ….. (will this segment make the Deconstruction Awards held the week AFTER the Idiot Awards?)….

Hosted by Neil Patrick Harris! Come on, you produce a show called the “Idiot Awards” I don’t care who you are you KNOW this guy is gonna bring the goods- he can sing, he can dance- he’s likeable- bring him in, MAKE THE DEAL!

Anyway so, Heidi is having her oversized fake puppies removed. It’s actually a poignant story, (she says she made the decision after she looked in the mirror and could hardly recognize the idiot looking back at her). So as documented by WhatSucksBlog in the past, these are the things that Heidi has pretty much proven she can’t…

Sing
Dance
Act
Read (probably)
Have gigantic cans…

(Ah, she also sucks as a fashion designer and a person but I don't want to write 700 words here!)

I’m not even adding “pick husbands” because clearly she is retarded and whatever Spencer Pratt gets off her other than a hug he will have to answer to the Lord about…

Oh wait, there’s (at least) one more-

Make a successful sex tape.

Heidi apparently recently made a sex tape with Playboy model Karissa Shannon which was stolen by her ex-husband (renown douche Spencer Pratt), shopped to Vivid Entertainment for distribution and then basically put on a shelf because I am guessing no one was into it.

In this day and age to fail at a sex tape- good lord, Kim Kardashian has one!- it’s just in excusable.

Heidi Montag’s fake boobs, RIP.
Follow What Sucks on Twitter!

What Sucks…This Past Weekend

So, 87 thousand people go to DC to see Glenn Beck speak, and then I have to watch Jewel sing during the “hey, who died this year?” part of the Emmys. Not our best 48 hours as a country.

Also, let me be the zillionth person to ask this re: the Glenn Beck thing that he called “restoring honor”- one of the things I heard bandied around was that he was “reclaiming” the Civil Rights movement? Now, I know that I probably could get an answer to this by doing a little bit of a google search and all but that would mean I would have to spend time googling things about Glenn Beck and there is NO way I am doing that so let me just ask…who are you “reclaiming” the Civil Rights movement from? Minorities? Because, white asshole, if you do that um, aren’t minorities going to have to go and get a whole other Civil Rights movement? The whole point of the thing was that they needed a movement to get equal rights, if you reclaim the movement, which you never “claimed” in the first place…

Nevermind.

The Jewel singing during the “In Memoriam” part of the Emmys, just like the Queen Latifah singing during the one at the Oscars has to stop. This is about a body count, not slow fades to a singer. You want to put YoYo Ma there to play the saddest instrument ever, fine but no more singers.

Other Emmy lowlights included…

Gasoline was NOT poured on the Red Carpet prior to the event and therefore making the act of dropping of a match on it at the height of all the arrivals inconsequential. Subsequently there was no giant river of fire engulfing the stars of “The Big Bang Theory”, Jon Cryer and every True Blood cast member save for the dude who played Sobotka on the 2nd year of The Wire (he gets a lifetime pass!). Producers REALLY have to look into this for next year.

Kate Gosselin's appearance in the opening. I understand that the joke was that she couldn’t dance and all and I get it, but the mere image of her going from a human’s eyes to their brain is really, really horrifying and extremely prohibitive to laughing or pleasure of any sort.

Everyone seems to be complaining about January Jones, and what she was wearing. I like to point out what she WASN’T wearing – a Nazi armband and for that I give kudos.

Some highlights…

No Heigl.

No one seemed to puke during an acceptance or a presentation.

They seemed to do a good job keeping Ke$ha out of the whole thing.

They let some people dress like it was a rodeo.
Follow What Sucks on Twitter!

What Sucks…Buy This Book! Our Bodies Our Junk

As I have said on numerous occasions, I think reading is for nerds- not just nerds, BIG TIME nerds. As a matter of fact when a book review says “if you read one book this year…” I feel like they are talking to me because, basically that’s what I’m good for- one book a year.

So when I recommend a read, know it’s pretty much worth your time and is either filled with boobies, or great jokes. “Sex: Our Bodies Our Junk”, written by a team of very funny dudes including friend of WhatSucksBlog and former writer for Late Night With Conan O’Brien and The Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien, Todd Levin (who also does the great Tremble.com has both!

So put a crow bar in your wallet, and hit up this link at Amazon and buy this thing- and to quote the Cos, if you’re not careful, you just might learn something.

Sex: Our Bodies Our Junk promo - watch more funny videos

Follow What Sucks on Twitter!

What Sucks Presents: Just In Case You Thought The Human Race Was In Any Way Redeemable, Vol 2: Woman Throws Away Cat!

Lookit, I’m not exactly a cat-person myself, but I don’t think they should be thrown out!


Follow What Sucks on Twitter!

What Sucks Salutes Shitty Parents!

Take a bow shitty parents, you may not be getting a “Mom or Dad of the Year” award, but you are definitely getting mentioned on one of the top blogs in America (or A-MORE-ICA, I’m telling you- use that- you’ll get all sorts of young, liberal, college strange!) First up…


…The Parents of “Adolf Hitler” (and “Aryan Nation”) Campbell!

Heath & Deborah Campbell, who you remember once found themselves in a big mess when they tried to get someone at a Shop Rite to write “Happy Birthday Adolf Hitler” on a cake, lost custody of their kids recently due to charges of domestic violence. Nice work child services, not enough they used horrific rhetoric by saddling their kids with a name like “Hitler”, you had to wait till they were violent to move? Who are you, America (A-MORE-ICA) in the early 1940’s? So now the kids are in foster care, presumably being called by initials of some sort. By the way and just so you know, the world is still yet to see someone with a kid named "Adolf Hitler" be a good parent.



…Laurence Fishburne

Look, I know the popular take on story this is to show Morpheus as a victim, and his daughter as an embarrassment who “always wanted to do porn” but come on, somewhere along the line he had to screw up as a dad. A porn star with a normal parent is basically un-American. I just hope her career stops before she is handed the script (or at least shot list?) to “The MatriXXX”, “Boyz N The HO…od” and “What’s Lust Got To Do With It”. (Sorry for those weak-ass porn parody titles, but I just realized that the film “Boyz N The Hood”, used the “N” for the word “IN”, yet went with the normal spelling of “THE” instead of “DA”. Why didn’t people flip out over that shit?)


…Dina Lohan

Her epic horrible-parent battle with ex-husband Michael is (un?)fortunately going to end with a body count. Here she is cracking under the questioning of Matt Lauer. MATT LAUER!
Follow What Sucks on Twitter!

What Sucks…A New Low

So 1 in 5 people in America (or as it should be called “A-MORE-i-ca” because we are always wanting more- use this expression around sensitive, earthly, college chicks it may get you laid if they're not already in their lesbian phase) believe our President is a Muslim.

I don’t know what to say other than, “sigh”. Do we have to allow these people to have a vote? Isn’t there some minimum retards can’t vote type of test we can institute? If not, let’s write our congressmen and see if we can get one done.

Here’s the article- a new low. Incidentally, this is the previous low.
Follow What Sucks on Twitter!

What Sucks…Dr. Laura

Outside of a bunch of 13 year-olds playing X-Box online, most white people have gotten it through their heads that they are not supposed to say the “N-Word”.

As a white person, it’s quite simple- doesn’t matter who else says it, or how they use it- you don’t. Look at it this way- as whitey, you basically have everything in this country anyway- you can go without trying to sound sophisticated/ hip/ gangsta/ or “funny” by saying the “N-Word”.

This goes double for shrill, mean, homosexual-bashing, family-values-championing (except when it comes to yourself), a-hole, radio show pseudo-shrinks who drop it 11 times in 45 seconds.

And then, you certainly don’t get to act all indignant when you resign from your highly paid gig as radio show host claiming that stepping down will allow you to “regain” your “first amendment rights”. Hey dipshit, read the 1st Amendment- first off, it’s prohibits the GOVERNMENT from taking away your right to speech, it doesn’t protect you from being called a douche when you say something racist and offensive. Additionally…when you made your Larry King “I’m retiring” announcement…

"The reason is, I want to regain my First Amendment rights. I want to be able to say what is on my mind..."

…you’re kind of passive aggressively saying that you’re retiring because the next time you say the “N-Word” you don’t want anyone to give you shit about it. Nice. Now, I'd love to spend the rest of this post calling you an a-hole, but this whole story has somehow dragged in Sarah Palin, who has decided to defend a woman who dropped the N-Word 11 times with a tweet or two of her own...


...which leads me to…

What Sucks Bonus…Sarah Palin


Hey moron, you ALSO need to understand the First Amendment as it pertains to criticism of someone rather than government silencing of an individual, and oh yeah and while you’re at it, try not to use the word “shackles” when defending someone’s right to use the “N-Word”. I will now begin the official “WhatSucksBlog Stupid-Ass Things Said By Sarah Palin” Count. And I’ll date it now so I don’t bury myself in research from all the stupid-ass things you’ve already said this year- so…

1. Defending the rights of a horrible person to use the “N-Word” and even though you were constrained to 140 characters, you still managed to use the word “Shackles”.
Follow What Sucks on Twitter!

What Sucks…Blog Note

Sorry for the lack of updates recently but I went to visit my dad in Florida for a few days and well, let’s just say traveling with an infant sucks.

I’m gonna try and catch up on some stuff. Thanks for being patient and if you were on the flight from Newark to Tampa last Thursday, sorry- we tried to check him the airline said “no”.

While I have all of you in Blog Note mode, I will be redesigning and re-launching the blog/ site shortly and am currently looking for people who can help with the redesign- (blogspot is looking mighty low-tech these days) I can’t pay a ton but email me if you’re the type of person who’s good with that kind of thing at WhatSucksBlog@gmail.com and maybe we can have a convo about what is reasonable, etc.

Thanks, now back to the suck.
Follow What Sucks on Twitter!

What Sucks…Frankie Rodriguez

There's a special place in The Suckosphere™ for athletes who get into the kind of mess K-Rod or, Francisco Rodriquez as he will be referred to by lawyers, is in now. The reason for this, as if it even needs to be said, is that these ass-clowns get paid what is technically know as an “Ass-Ton” of money to play a game for a living and when they screw it up, it automatically makes them bigger a-holes than the person who just cut you off on the freeway, the guy who brings the barbeque chicken sandwich with him to eat ON THE PLANE and that asshole who is talking very loud on his blu-tooth phone thing.

Well, maybe not the blu-tooth guy. Anyway, here's what this K-Rod did in case your not someone who is into Sado Masochism the Mets.

In full view of teammates, teammate’s wives and teammate’s kids, he beat the shit out of his kids’ grandfather so much so he was arrested. Look, I’m all for elderly abuse and all but please let’s confine it to private settings! Oh yeah, then after being suspended for two days by the Mets (mixed message re: elderly abuse!), he comes back to reveal that he needs surgery on his hand (injured because he punched his kids’ granddad with his pitching hand) and is out for the year. The Mets are gonna do everything they can now to not pay him the 11 MILLION dollars they owe him for this year, which includes spending $10,999,999 on lawyers if it means they can get out of it.

So way to go K-Rod, nice job jeopardizing your remaining $27 Million contract to punch and old man. And welcome to the WhatSucksBlog A-hole Athlete Hall of Fame along with Plaxico Burress, Ben Roethlisberger, Michael Vick and whoever I’m forgetting who can’t just play a game and get paid crazy money for it.

By the way, this also goes a long way to prove my theory that anyone with a nickname that starts with a “K”, is a douchebag.
Follow What Sucks on Twitter!

What Sucks…The Reaper

I've had this thing going now for 2 weeks and I can’t wait anymore! I'm calling it!

Last night, today, later this evening, tomorrow, tomorrow night, on Thursday, no way this doesn’t go down till Friday but just in case- on this coming Friday, the Reaper took from us 93 year old celebrity, actress and socialite Zsa-Zsa Gabor.

Ms. Gabor will be remembered for her 8 marriages (7 divorces) and for slapping the face of a Beverly Hills police officer in 1989 when she was pulled of for a traffic violation- an action she then parodied in every Hollywood comedy release for the next 5 years.

Ms. Gabor recently celebrated her 24th wedding anniversary with her latest husband which speaks to how old she is as she can be married 24 years to someone in one lifetime and yet be married 8 times.

Ms Gabor 93 at press time when she dies is the last of the surviving Gabor sisters. Rest, and when you pass, RIP.
Follow What Sucks on Twitter!