Thursday, October 26, 2017

What Sucks…T-Rex Boudoir Shots: Perv Watch Vol. 39

Perv-a-saurus!  Let’s hope they don’t move in herds. 

Laugh all you want, but this is what dinosaurs have to go through to get cast in a Harvey Weinstein T-Rex movie. 

WTF is going on here?  Look, I don’t care what anyone does behind closed doors, but let’s try and remember the “closed doors” part of that.  Not even the horniest paleontologist in the world needs to see this!

Wednesday, October 25, 2017

What Sucks...Pimps!

A pimp in Vancouver is suing a newspaper because he claims it ruined his rep.

I get it, you spend your whole life building your rep as a pimp- you offer health insurance, dental, 401K- and then some newspaper sticks their nose in it and ruins it all. 

By the way, who’s on the jury for this- is it a whole “Jury Of Your Peers” thing?  Does that mean there are 12 other pimps sitting there, weighing in? 
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Tuesday, October 24, 2017

What Sucks...Depressed Fish!

Fish Depression no laughing matter?  I beg to differ!

Are there therapists for fish?  'Cause if a fish is talking about a feeling of "drowning" and not having any "oxygen", they may be talking about swimming!
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Tuesday, June 27, 2017

What Sucks...Spiderman Homecoming! Perv Watch: Vol. 38

Hey, people in charge of the new Spiderman movie, we get it, you want us to want to boink Aunt May.  Seriously, way to be subtle. She’s gone from old lady to “less old lady” to Mona Lisa Friggin Vito.  When the new reboot comes out (72 hours after Spiderman Homecoming is released) who’s going to be playing Peter’s aunt next, Margot Robbie with Blake Lively’s head?  Here’s an idea, make sure the movie works before you start casting Rihanna as Peter’s primary caretaker- no one wants to be aroused by Aunt May, pervs!

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Thursday, March 23, 2017

What Sucks…Nazis! (Alt-Right, Richard Spencer)

I won’t pretend to know what keeps the slight flicker of the Neo-Nazi movement alive (outside of prisons) in our country.  (Inside prisons, I get it.) I understand that there’s little to do in the Midwest, but to go so quickly from “Geez, I’m bored…” to “let’s paint Swastikas on the side of a building, ‘cause we’re better than everyone else!” is a pretty big leap, I mean, no macramé?  It’s a fine hobby!

And you would think also, the 70-year losing streak (again, outside of prisons) that Nazi’s have suffered since World War II, might turn some off to the movement, but for some reason, no.

There is some good news I guess.  Yes, it’s a bummer that Neo-Nazis exist, but, if we absolutely had to endure them, I for one am glad it’s this latest incarnation, born of web-only sausage parties that has rebranded to the term “Alt-Right”. 

Now while a lot of media present the “Alt-Right” as a disturbing threat on the horizon, and rightfully so, their mantras are despicable- a lot of media also presents them as, adorable and…rightfully so.  Look how dapper!  (More like, Tommy HEILfiger!)

I personally don’t think they’re going to make it, because you can’t be menacing, and also look like the set design crew from your local high school production of Pippin.  You have to choose, right?

And since when do Nazi’s “rebrand”? Nazis famously “own it”, that’s part of their thing. And, “Alt-Right” is what you come up with?  Does genetic superiority not extend to marketing? Have some pride, White-Pride movement. 

The man above is Richard Spencer, one of the “leaders” of the Alt-Right and the President of Nationalist Policy Institute.  A few months ago, he was famously punched in the face.  I don’t know if they ever caught the guy who did it, but one look at Spencer’s face and any good lawyer should be able to get him off on “entrapment”. 

Spencer is the face of Nazism in America.  A tough guy who looks like if something isn’t done about immigrants coming into this country...he’ll just have to insist again that something be done.  After that, he may have to run up to his bedroom and loudly slam the door and turn up the music (30 Seconds To Mars?) really loud.  If that doesn’t work, and I hope it doesn’t come to this, he may hold his breath. 

So yes, Neo-Nazi’s are back, as the “Alt-Right” and their leader is a 38 year-old yearning for the America of old when….I’m guessing, Friends was in first run production?  He's 38.  Ah, maybe when MTV played videos?!  When wine-coolers were kind of big?  

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

What Sucks…The Reaper

My favorite episode of The Gong Show is the one where every single contestant who comes out, sings “Feelings”.   Of course, the great Chuck Barris acts as if he has no idea what’s going on. After the first two contestants perform, Chuck pledges to get to the bottom of this confusion, and apologizes for the mix up, only to bring out the next guest who, of course sings “Feelings”. 

The audience growing restless at this point, Chuck assures them he’ll get this straightened out, before bringing out the next contestant who sings “Feelings”.  And so on and so forth until the hilarious ½ hour was up.  What a great show and a great character. 

Living to 87 is no short change, so RIP to the great Chuck Barris.