Wednesday, June 24, 2015

What Sucks…Subway Performers Who Suck: A What Sucks Investigative Report! Part 1: People Who “Drum” on Over-Turned Buckets.

It’s a widely accepted fact in New York City that the act of going down into the subway is not unpleasant enough.  The subway just doesn’t stink enough, there are far too few rats and without question, it is WAY TO FUCKING QUIET. 

So as New Yorkers, let us take our hats off to one of the underrated heroes that make traveling underground the experience that it is, the Subway Performer Who “Drums” on Over-Turned Buckets. 

That sound, so pure- it’s no wonder when I look back at old films of Buddy Rich or Ginger Baker, I always see them banging away on something that says “Cold Slaw” written on it, upside down.  Here’s my question, when New Yorkers give them money, the general idea is that we’re paying them to stop, right?  Hey “bucket drummers”, take the hint!

So, are these guys licensed?  Because from my understanding of Law & Order repeats, subway performers have to be granted a license from the city, or I don’t know if they weren’t we’d probably end up with a bunch of assholes down there banging on buckets!  But, are these guys actually allowed by the city to be there? Or, when a cop approaches do they just quickly get up, grab a fishing pole, and throw a blue-fish in their “floor tom”?  And yeah, it’s a floor tom, its all floor toms with these guys.  There is no snare, it’s a goddamned bucket. 

Now look, I am not saying they should be thrown in jail- I know their trying to make a living, but isn’t it time we did something about this?  How bout some kind of American Idol thing- there can be judges- a bum covered in his own filth, a rat and a person who administrates “stress tests” for the Church of Scientology.  They can review the street performer and determine where they go.  It’s a compromise, and it could be a step in the right direction.  Or just put these fuckers on the G Train, where they can bug the 14 people a year who take that thing to wherever it goes (the Island in Lost?). 


Next in the series: The Steel Drum!
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