Monday, November 25, 2013

What Sucks Salutes…Women With Bad Taste In Men


…The 25 Year Old Woman Dating Charlie Manson!

Yes, Charlie Manson is dating a 25 year-old woman and…YOU DON’T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!!!

This is actually a very sweet story, I heard he had her at “the man is a spider inside the mind of the devil, and I live in the underground, just a messenger from the depths of what you are already too scared to believe!” (He rambles, and is insane.)

By the way, I’m outta the game for a while now but how rough IS it out there that a 25 year old woman moves across country to date an 80 year old guy, who ALSO HAPPENS TO BE CHARLIE MANSON!  Jeezus!
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Friday, November 15, 2013

What Sucks…Scientists: Perv Watch Vol.36

Hey! You with the glasses and the lab coat standing in front of a microscope- yes, you. Thank you for working so diligently to find a fossil of two ancientbugs “doing it”.  Seriously, very good use of your time in a world ravaged by disease and in need of a scientific breakthrough that would outshine your last one, the “Slap Chop!”. 

So two bugs were fucking when all of a sudden a volcano erupted and rained lava on them.  They heard the volcano erupt, they CHOSE to continue to fuck.  Good for them, leave them alone, pervs! 

Thursday, November 14, 2013

What Sucks…These Jag-Off Terrorists


Jag-off terrorists apologizefor cutting off the wrong guy’s head and ask for “forgiveness and understanding”.  I don’t know, apologies or not, this is a pretty big screw up, heads are gonna roll!
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Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Monday, November 11, 2013

What Sucks Presents: “OR…”


The earth stopped on its axis the other day when it noticed a 65 year old Jewish man riding the subway, sitting straight up while an African American man next to him rested his head on his shoulder and slept peacefully. The photo went viral appearing on countless people’s Facebook feeds and a number of websites and was cited as an example of one man’s empathy for another

OR…an uptight white dude is scared shitless to move after a black guy falls asleep on his shoulder!  

This has been What Sucks Presents “OR…”
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Friday, November 08, 2013

What Sucks…Quick Hits: DMX, Bieber, The Today Show,

…DMX

Arrested again?  At this point if you lined up all his mug-shots in a row and looked at them, real fast, it would be like a new video!

…Bieber

Spending time in a BrazilianBrothel?  No judging here just as long as he knows Bieber Fever does NOT present as itchy red spots around your privates.  Go to the doctor, Biebs! 


...The Today Show 

Matt Lauer & Al Roker to get prostate exams on the Today Show?  I thought Al Roker getting a prostate exam WAS Matt Lauer getting a prostate exam!  

…Pam Anderson

Runs the New York marathon in 5 hours 53 minutes and 17 seconds, finishing 22 seconds behind the front of her boobs! 

Thursday, November 07, 2013

What Sucks… Jay Z, Barneys, “Gold”

 
I don’t get any of this! 

After all the shit going on with Barneys, Jay-Z turns around launches his new cologne “Gold” there?  At this point, my head is spinning- I will say this about the cologne though, it is AMAZING!.  You put it stuff on and IMMEDIATELY the ladies start following you- lady cops, lady security guards, lady FBI officers…lady drones from above- it is amazing! 

Wednesday, November 06, 2013

What Sucks…Shortness In New York City!

People are wondering what this election means.  Has the city embraced a more liberal agenda?  Has income inequality become the issue of the year?  People, open your eyes! 

For 12 years the city has been governed by a borderline-dwarf! Look at him!  On one level, it's embarrassing!  Sure this guy fixed potholes, but it was because he was a afraid if he fell into one, he'd be lost forever!  The guy championed micro-apartments- places to live with 250 square feet- or to him, a spacious APARTMENT! 

Now, the first chance we get, 73 percent of us overwhelmingly vote for a dude who’s 6 foot 5!  This election was a referendum on height!

Congrats Mayor elect Bill de Blasio, but if Manute Bol ran (G-d rest his soul), I’d be congratulating him right now!

Tuesday, November 05, 2013

What Sucks…Kanye


Cancelling dates due to a broken set but don’t worry if you’re in one of the cities he won’t be going to, you’ll still get a chance to see him WHEN HE COMES TO JUDGE THE LIVING AND THE DEAD!  WHEN HE IS SEATED AT THE RIGHT HAND OF THE FATHER!!!

WHEN HE GREETS YOU AT THE PEARLY GATES IN HEAVEN!

WHEN HE COMES TO DEFEAT THE TWO HEADED SERPENT WHO HAD BROKEN THE SEAL AS IT HAS BEEN FORETOLD IN REVELATIONS!!!
‘Cause apparently, he’s the Second Coming of Jeezus. 
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Monday, November 04, 2013

What Sucks…The Youtube Music Awards!


So psyched this is happening I hear categories include “First!”, “Biggest F*g!” and “Suck My F*cking Di*k!”