Monday, July 29, 2013

What Sucks…Quick Hits: Obama Prom Picture, Paris Hilton Cash Money Records, Beyonce, Chief Keef


…Old Obama Prom Picture! 
I bet her dad STILL gave her shit about going out with a black guy! 


…Paris Hilton Signing With Cash Money Records!
Great- looking forward to her raps about Prada Shoes, Burberry umbrellas and Gucci bags that her parents give her! 


...Beyonce
Beyonce is auctioning off a job where you could work for her, for 25K!  In a related story, Michelle Williams just went to a bank to try and borrow 25 grand!


…Chief Keef
Dropped from a“non-violence” concert, for fear of violence!  This dude was upset, he cancelled a drive-by to be there!

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Thursday, July 25, 2013

What Sucks…Chief Keef


Dude publicly threatens Katy Perry and SHE apologizes! 


So Katy Perry tweeted that she listened to Chief Keef’s song “Hate Being Sober” and said she has “serious doubt for the world”.  I reasonable reaction I am sure you will agree. 



Keef then comes back with… 


Naturally Katy apologized. 


And, I am sure doubled her security.  

And made plans to leave the country.  

Keef: All Katy Perry wants to do is put cup cakes on her boobs and write songs about kissing girls.  Leave her alone!  Also, having her “suck the skin off your dick”, would equate to the type of blow job you’d get from Pinhead from the Hellraiser film series, jag-off. 
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Monday, July 22, 2013

What Sucks...Quick Hits: The View, Jay-Z, Psy, People Who Say You Can't Compare Apples & Oranges




…The View

Jenny McCarthy?  Congratulations The View, you somehow managed to get suckier! 



…This 70 year-old photo of Jay-Z

It’s like Jay-Z was walking through that hotel at the end of The Shinning. 

…Psy

Is this guy Hip Hop?  And if he is a “korean rapper”, shouldn’t he have more songs about following black guy around a deli? 


…People Who Say You Can’t Compare Apples & Oranges

Both fruits, both circular- hey jag-offs, they’re not as different as you think!

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Friday, July 19, 2013

What Sucks…TicketMaster



(CLICK TO ENLARGE IMAGE)
You know what?  I think I actually MAY miss  John Cafferty & the Beaver Brown Band.  You know why? Because I’m a human being and live on earth.  Jeezus, what kind of personal-info-logarithm thing do you have me categorized in?  Sheesh, you go to ONE Eddie and The Cruisers Cos-Play party…  
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Wednesday, July 17, 2013

What Sucks…Young Hip Hop?



What the hell ever happened to Kris Kross?  Another BadCreation? Cute.  Maybe annoying.  You see these new kids?  Bring back cute and annoying! 

Above is the  adorable and terrifying 9 year old ‘Lil Poopy.  He raps about being a "coke boy", he's smacking womens asses with money,  bagging groupies, riding in ferraris with no seat belt! You ask this kid to eat broccoli and he will cut you! 

He’s opening eyes in hip hop, and child services!

And then there’s the 13 year old protégé of Chief Keef: ‘Lil Mouse...

This dude raps about guns and violence and Chicago street life- and here he is threatening to have a 3rd grader at his school killed for snitching.  When ‘Lil Bow Wow and ‘Lil Romeo were 13, they were rapping about girls- Lil Mouse is rapping, “30 clips and them hollow tips make him do the running man..." 
It’s like congrats on your record deal AND on killing Omar! 
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Monday, July 15, 2013

What Sucks…Aaliyah & Chris Brown?


Aaliyah is going to be featured on a song with Chris Brown.  Is it going to be good, or is she the only woman they could find who was okay with working with Chris Brown? 
Personally, I’m just glad it isn’t a hologram.  And so is the hologram!

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Friday, July 12, 2013

What Sucks…Women At Hip Hop Shows!


Ladies, and I use that term loosely, what is going on here? 

Dateline: NYC, Juicy J brings a girl up on stage, makes out with her, show slows to a crawl.

 Sacramento: Girl joins Machine Gun Kelly on stage, not only flashes boobs, but MGK stops the show to “sample” them

Minneapolis.  Danny Brown show.  A woman walks up to him, as he is performing, and straight up blows him! Takes his thing right out of his pants, and goes to work. Danny Brown! The guy looks like Charles Ramsey for Christ sakes!

You all need to chill.  Yeah, you can totally be so into the show that you can come up to the stage and put his dong in your mouth...

…or you can applaud. 

Vigorously.

Say “whoo!” 

What the hell happened to lighting lighters?

You should be clapping, not passing on the clap!

These guys need these mics to rap, not to transmit cold sores!

I mean, these are shows Two-Live Crew would see and be like, you guys need to chill. 

There are other ways to show your appreciation to your favorite rappers.  Like maybe, pay for the songs you download from them? 

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Wednesday, July 10, 2013

What Sucks…Bieber





Justin Bieber is hands down one of the most talented lesbian songwriters out there.  However, his behavior of late has been a little questionable.  Bieber- WTF? 

Dude, you are on the path to destruction.  Not that I care, but let me tell you about another, young, white pop star who had everything going his way. 

Girls, fame, cars- you name it. 

Then he got sloppy, maybe a little douchey. 

Trouble with the law, trouble with women…you know him now as Robert Van Winkle, but back in the day, he was Vanilla Ice. 

Learn from the man.  He had it all, now he’s doing homerepairs! 
“If there’s a problem, yo, I will solve it…by removing your dry-wall!” 
At least he had that to fall back on!  If something broke in your house, what would you do?  Text Scooter 15 times?! Stop. Collaborate and listen. It’s not too late. Don’t be Vanilla Ice. 

This guy was right where you were - maybe even bigger!  He was sleeping with madonna, and that’s back when that meant something!

So, don’t think of this so much as a warning, think of it as me holding you by your ankles off a hotel balcony yelling at you to wake up, put on a shirt and get off the Segway! 

It doesn't have to be like this...


Monday, July 08, 2013

What Sucks…Our Country!

Let me get this straight- our entire National Security system was destabilized by a dude with a goatee?!  AND now we can’t seem to find him?!  Have we checked comic book stores? How bout Rush concerts?!  Look at this guy! I heard the next thing they'll be worried about is
him giving up spoilers for Dr. Who! What’s next, a nuclear submarine taken over by a dude wearing a Ed Hardy shirt?  Air Force One hijacked by a guy wearing a fedora?!

Monday, July 01, 2013

What Sucks...Flo-Rida, Miley, TLC, Nicki Minaj




 …Flo Rida Not Paying Child Support

He says the kid is not his, however, I am not sure I believe him.  Flo Rida can be very misleading, I only found out the other day that “Whistle” is not about whistling. 



…Miley Cryus

Twerking Queen?  Is this what we’ve come to?  How can you twerk, when you do not have an ass?  Must we lower our standards for everything?




 …TLC

Remaking “Waterfalls” and replacing Left Eye with a Japanese Pop Star? CrazySexyNOTCool.  


 

...Nicki Minaj

Signed on to be a spokesperson for Moscato wine.  This isn’t the first hip hop star to rep a lady-drink, remember Pitbull had Bud Light
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