Monday, June 10, 2013

What Sucks…Salads, Salad Dressing

Admit it- salads suck, salad dressings suck.  All of them.  And the Salad Dressing industry is criminally under-shat-upon. It’s time it all stopped. 

Here are the facts:
People need to eat salad.  You can’t eat cheeseburgers or pizza every day for lunch.  Believe me I speak from experience.  This is a picture of me, and I’m only 24!  You need something that allows you to have BM’s and that doesn’t make you feel like a fat disgusting piece of garbage after you eat.  By the way, you’re welcome, I just saved you 4 years of Nutritionist school.

But eating salads for Americans is not easy.  We like food to not taste like poop.  Look at the things people put in their salad to desperately make it taste better- steak, fried chicken, hamburger, taco meat, taco meat AND sour cream, the list goes on and on.  All of which, by the way, completely destroy any kind of health aspect associated with salad and undermine the reasons for having salad to begin with. 

The quest to make salads palatable knows no boundaries. The struggle is a sad one. Look at the Chef Salad. How is that healthy?  Just have the Italian hero you’re dying for.  Throwing it in a bowl of lettuce and pour some crap over it is only living a lie!

People are putting bacon, or bacon bits into salads.  Croutons, which are basically pieces of stale, fried bread, which puts them in the doughnut family!  What’s next?  Candy?  Why not throw a few skittles or bite sized chocolate bars in your salad?  Shit that seems delicious! 

It’s a lost cause.  If there was only a decent salad dressing maybe there would be hope, but the only thing corrupt “Big Salad Dressing” seems interested in giving us is bleu cheese, French, ranch or Thousand Islands- things that destroy the health content of salad.  Seriously, how long until we’re pouring maple syrup on our greens? 

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