Friday, June 28, 2013

What Sucks...Taken 3!

So there is going to be a Taken 3 now.  Liam Neeson has signed on for 30 million dollars.  As a public service, for any kidnappers out there who may be confused, here is an easy to follow flow chart to help you over the next few months…

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Thursday, June 27, 2013

What Sucks…Fat Joe Going To Jail

Add Fat Joe to the ever-growing list of Hip Hop stars who get in trouble with the IRS and go to jail. We’re at the point right now where this is happening so much, certain questions have to be asked, like, why, and, can Fat Joe fit into a cell? 

Granted, he made mistakes.  He trusted the wrong people, also, I believe he tried to claim Apple-Bees as a dependent, but still, we are seeing this way too much in the Hip Hop community. 

And yes, Fat Joe did not do himself any favors.  His lawyers worked very hard to try and get him a deal, but he insisted on holding out hope that the judge would sentence him to Waffle-House arrest. 
Fat Joe, my advice to you- first day in jail, kick someone’s ass, then have your cholesterol checked.  We’re worried about you. 

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Monday, June 24, 2013

What Sucks…Cee-Lo & Goodie Mob To Reunite!

This is good because Cee-Lo needs to get back to what made him good- he’s been getting a little too out of control- being on The Voice, one week he’s holding a cat, one week he’s holding a bird…dude- you’re there to give advice! Who are you, Koko B. Ware? 

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What Sucks...Web Videos You Should Checkout: Victor Varnado!

Ever imagine what a Russell Simmons, post zombie bite fever dream would be like?  Imagine no more.  
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Thursday, June 20, 2013

What Sucks…Michael Jackson’s Ghost

Lionel Richie’s wife says Michael Jackson’s ghost visited her and told her his death was an accident. First off, can you believe that guy has a ghost- can he be even paler?! Secondly, what the hell was he doing talking to Lionel Richie’s wife? 
A few questions: what nose did he have?  Is it Michael Jackson from Billy Jean?  Michael Jackson from Thriller?  As long as it’s not Michael Jackson from “Off The Wall”, cause then it’s just a black guy in your house and the police are getting called!
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Wednesday, June 19, 2013

What Sucks…Drake & Chris Brown

In a GQ article Drake says a sit down between him and ChrisBrown is not going to happen.  Is this what people are looking for?  These two to fight it out?  A dude who beat up Rihanna and a guy who wears cardigans? 

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

What Sucks…‘Lil Wayne

Trampling on the American Flag?  Using Emmet Till’s name in a rap lyric where he says “Beat that pussy up like Emmett Till”? People are upset- I heard even the guy who gets him his “purple drank” said “I expected more from you.” 
This also really hurts his new song, “hit that ass’ like Megar Evers”.

Monday, June 17, 2013

What Sucks…Quick Hits: Podiatrists, Battleship, Florida, The Eye Chart!

Who goes all the way to medical school just to study feet?! 

…Battleship Out On DVD
Spoiler Alert! B:9, C:8 & E4!

A man in Florida was arrested for strangling his grandmom's puppy and then eating it?! Ah, Florida.  The Punchline State. 

…The Eye Chart!
Doctors of the world please change the eye chart! It's been memorized & repeated back to you by memory! The truth must get out- NO ONE CAN SEE! 
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Wednesday, June 12, 2013

What Sucks...Constellations!

Isn't it time someone called bullshit on this?  Are you looking up and seeing "Orion The Hunter"? Or just a bunch of bullshit dots to connect?

Seriously, where's the bear in that?

 Does anyone see a bull on the right?

It's bullshit.  MAYBE I see the section where the Harlem River Drive meets the FDR Drive on the east side of Manhattan.  Maybe.

So people are just looking up to the sky and seeing what they want to see, right?  So if I were around then, I could look up, connect the dots and have a constellation named for...

...Michael Douglass as Liberace getting it from Matt Damon?
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Monday, June 10, 2013

What Sucks…Salads, Salad Dressing

Admit it- salads suck, salad dressings suck.  All of them.  And the Salad Dressing industry is criminally under-shat-upon. It’s time it all stopped. 

Here are the facts:
People need to eat salad.  You can’t eat cheeseburgers or pizza every day for lunch.  Believe me I speak from experience.  This is a picture of me, and I’m only 24!  You need something that allows you to have BM’s and that doesn’t make you feel like a fat disgusting piece of garbage after you eat.  By the way, you’re welcome, I just saved you 4 years of Nutritionist school.

But eating salads for Americans is not easy.  We like food to not taste like poop.  Look at the things people put in their salad to desperately make it taste better- steak, fried chicken, hamburger, taco meat, taco meat AND sour cream, the list goes on and on.  All of which, by the way, completely destroy any kind of health aspect associated with salad and undermine the reasons for having salad to begin with. 

The quest to make salads palatable knows no boundaries. The struggle is a sad one. Look at the Chef Salad. How is that healthy?  Just have the Italian hero you’re dying for.  Throwing it in a bowl of lettuce and pour some crap over it is only living a lie!

People are putting bacon, or bacon bits into salads.  Croutons, which are basically pieces of stale, fried bread, which puts them in the doughnut family!  What’s next?  Candy?  Why not throw a few skittles or bite sized chocolate bars in your salad?  Shit that seems delicious! 

It’s a lost cause.  If there was only a decent salad dressing maybe there would be hope, but the only thing corrupt “Big Salad Dressing” seems interested in giving us is bleu cheese, French, ranch or Thousand Islands- things that destroy the health content of salad.  Seriously, how long until we’re pouring maple syrup on our greens? 

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Friday, June 07, 2013

What Sucks…Chris Brown Round Up!

 You knew it was only a matter of time before Chris Brown got in trouble again, and sure enough, this morning, it happened. 

Some of his neighbors in the Hollywood hills complained about his violent behavior inability to get along with others some graffiti on the wall of his place. 

THIS is what Chris Brown is getting in trouble for? Congratulations Chris, looks like you finally are turning things around! 

And to the folks in the Hollywood neighborhood around him, you’re getting off easy. 

Chris also said he’s launching a Youtube Channel where you can “see him at all times” and “keep up with what he’s doing”. “All times of the day?”  This sounds like a great way to watch your favorite R&B/ Hip Hop star during the day, and then get hauled in to testify about what you saw at night! 

What Sucks…Bobbi Kristina!

Getting kicked out of her apartment and leaving this nasty note, dating her step-brother...

I hope the people who wanted to see what would happen if Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown had a kid are satisfied!  So now she needs a place to crash now.  Who's gonna step up?
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Thursday, June 06, 2013

What Sucks…Pipe Smokers!

I've never heard you say something more interesting than not wanting to smell the smoke coming out of your pipe.

Wednesday, June 05, 2013

What Sucks…Amanda Bynes & Hip Hop

The worlds of Hip Hop and Pop Culture collided this week- probably cause Amanda was driving- when Amanda Bynes went after Rihanna on twitter saying…

Rihanna for her part went back at her with…

But Hip Hop doesn’t know what to make of her.  Gucci Mane tweeted his support- oh THAT'S a good sign by the way, having Gucci Mane supporting you...
 “Yeah girl, when you're ready for your next tattoo, I know a guy...” 
And here’s The Game talking about herhe thinks she’s Jody Arias.  He thinks she killed a guy.

Hey Game, not yet! 
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Monday, June 03, 2013

What Sucks…Quick Hits: Diablo Cody, The Tour de’ France, The Writers of the “Barney Theme Song”, Old Ladies With Long Hair

…Diablo Cody On Twitter!
I really want to follow her but not sure if I can get a twitter app on my HAMBURGER PHONE!

…The Tour de’ France
Can we change it to Tour OF France, already?  The other two words are clearly already in English!  
…The “Barney” Theme Writers
Thieves!  That song is clearly “This Old Man”!  Wake up “This Old Man” copyright holders!
…Old Ladies With Long Hair
Thanks for letting your hair down, and terrifying me! 

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