Thursday, April 19, 2012

What Sucks…The Reaper


Say what you will about this dude, but he kept the Reaper at arm’s length with the best of them. Good night, sweet game show host, dude who hosted a show that featured teens shaking their money-makers and guy who sat across from a clearly hammered Ed McMahon talking about Bloopers, while his alcohol problem was contributing to other bloopers, being made in real time.

Sure, the last 10 years of you lowering the Times Square ball were more uncomfortable for us than the lowering of your actual balls were for you, but, Imma gonna let you off the hook for that one ‘cause you leaving us, takes away the number one dude in our society who was cool with going public with the name “Dick”. Yes, you were a television icon, but you were also an icon for those publicly named “Dick”. The most highly visible “Dick”, the poster boy of “Dicks” as it were. You wore it with pride, never tried to back away and go with “Richard” and for that, you left some seriously big shoes to fill. Good luck filling those shoes, Cavett, Van Dyke, Vitale, Butkus and Cheney, you bunch of dicks.

Public “Dicks” are a dying breed. They should be admired for their amazing comfort being called “Dick”. Treasure those dicks.

Dick Clark, RIP.
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Tuesday, April 10, 2012

What Sucks…So Long, Jagoff


Goodbye, worst candidate, ever.

Defined early on as the byproduct of a disgusting sex act, before actively campaigning against education, rape victim rights, and literally, the way you fuck, Rick Santorum, the worst candidate for anything, ever today decided to throw in the towel on his historic 2012 Presidential run.

So long, you animal. Your mere existence in this election should shame anyone in it who lost a single vote to you into retirement. That you actually won a few states is a new low for this country and should serve as the clearest message yet that Mitt Romney is a loser.

By the way, to be the worst candidate ever in an election that included Rick Perry and Michele Bachmann as candidates is saying something. That “something”, is that you are a world class douchebag.

A disgrace to Catholics everywhere, even the ped-priests, Santorum’s shittiness knew no boundaries as he questioned a woman’s place in the working force, completely missed the point of JFK’s legendary speech about religious tolerance and shit all over health care reform, even though he admitted he personally needs to fund additional care for family members.

Bad enough for you? No? Oh yeah, the guy rocks sweater vests.
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