Tuesday, December 11, 2012

What Sucks…Nestor The Long-Eared Christmas Donkey: A What Sucks Classic!


BLOG NOTE: So what if I’ve been watching a lot of “ABC Family’s 25 Days of Christmas” specials, I’m a new dad to a 13 month-old and still trying to figure out how to use the TV as a babysitter- get off my back! Anyway…

Rankin-Bass are the people who made some of the greatest and most classic Christmas holiday specials the world has ever seen. Among them are the aforementioned “The Year Without A Santa Claus”, “Santa Claus is Coming To Town” (featuring next year’s probable A-hole of Christmas “The Burgermeister”) and of course the granddaddy of them all, “Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer”. To give you an idea of how good “Rudolph” is by the way, “Isle of Misfit Toys” is their “C” storyline. C!!! You have the Rudy story (Reindeer as Christ figure), the Elf who wanted to be a DDS and then, oh yeah, there’s this phenomenal “Isle of Misfit Toys” that we’ll just throw in there with a George-In-The-Box or whatever his name is. A place forgotten by Santa where defective toys have to go. It’s the “Revolver” of Christmas specials where George basically had to fight to get Taxman in, where in any other group where the level of artistry wasn’t as high, they would have called the album “Taxman”.

Anyway, after creating Rudolph in 1964, then moving on to other spectacular triumphs such as “The Little Drummer Boy”, “Santa Claus…Town”, “Year Without..” and “The First Christmas”, someone in the company apparently developed a coke problem and lost all their money as they then did “Nestor The Long-Eared Donkey”.

Hmm, a story about an animal, who has a physical deformity which is ridiculed, leading him to be ostracized before he comes back to use that very deformity to save the day? Sound familiar? Something stinks here and I think it’s this blatant rip off of Rudolph. How high were you guys? “It’s like, ‘what if Dumbo was a mule, and somehow saved Jesus- hey give me some more of that sweet cocaine!’”

On top of all that, the story features (SPOILER ALERT) the incredibly sad death of Nestor’s mom, who follows Nestor out into the storm, covers his body with hers to warm him, and then freezes to death, so he basically wakes up with her corpse on top him. Also, there are weird cameos from Jingle and Jangle and Mrs. Claus of “The Year Without…” fame- what’s the matter, couldn’t shoe-horn Yukon Cornelius in?

Finally, the whole thing as again, mentioned time and time again on the net, is total bullshit. I checked the Bible, and believe me, there is some wild crap in there- virgin birth, angels trumpeting Jesus arrival, giving birth in a manger- even those dudes don’t try and bring in a Donkey with long ears protecting a baby!

Let this be a lessen to all- don’t judge on appearances, and don’t ruin the good work of a production company by developing a huge coke problem!
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2 comments:

Anonymous said...

In my opinion it was a cute story but also funny were the shots of him tripping over his ears. The death may be disturbing for kids but as a 27 year old man i got a kick out of it. Also when he was getting tossed around was sad but the images were funny. Kinda odd.

Anonymous said...

you are an ASSHOLE! It is one of the greatest movies of all time! It is among the classics (frosty and Rudolph, from "a year without santa"), which you clearly have no respect for. Don't bother watching them because you probably won't like them either....ASSHOLE! Merry Christmas!