Friday, October 14, 2011

What Sucks…Remaking Footloose!

In the age of retardation we currently live in, I have a problem with people remaking movies without making it even APPEAR as if there are trying to get them right this time around. And I know Footloose isn’t the first, second or even 80,000th to attempt this and I ALSO know I am making this judgment call based only on the trailer, but if you are among the many people scratching their head saying “Why are they remaking Footloose?” well, get ready for them to remake it again because they’re not getting it right.

Bothersome Thing About first Footloose:
Town, in America, bans dance. BANS- by the way, doesn’t discourage it, bans. Like, you could go to jail if you dance.

Bothersome Thing About Remake of Footloose:
They ban dance again! This is America! You can’t ban dance. And you know the people who made the film feel weird about it because they go into it TWICE in the 2:30 second trailer above that kids were killed in a car accident and that’s why they are banning dance but hey- Dennis Quaid’s preacher character- those kids weren’t killed by a step-ball change! Looks kind of like BOOOZE may have contributed a little. Maybe ban booze, oh wait- as a country for those under 21- we DO ban booze. Stop blaming dance for your problems!

The Fix:
The banning of dance was definitely a weird thing about the first movie. Like, everyone knew it couldn’t be done- but okay, they tried to pull it off. Footloose was released in 1984, audiences were like, okay fine we’ll give it to you. But then to re-make Footloose and not fix the “banning dance” thing, ugh! To fix it you have to lose the concept entirely or, start the film with these simple words….
Present Day…
Kabul, Afghanistan.

Bothersome Thing About first Footloose:
Very weird, extended dance scene with Kevin Bacon in a warehouse. Yeah, okay this was like a pretty uncomfortable scene where Kevin Bacon’s character is so frustrated with stuff that he just has to grab a beer, drive off and GO TO AN ABANDONED WAREHOUSE TO DANCE! To a Bonnie Tyler song, no less! (It may be Moving Pictures, too lazy to look it up!)

You know G-d for freaking bid you were an impressionable young person who DIDN’T have an older brother to show him what was cool and what was incredibly gay, and let’s say you were very frustrated with how things were going in your life and decided to blow-off some steam “dancing” in a public place like that- it’s irresponsible film making!

Did the scene age well? No, but Footloose later became loved for its camp, so the original film gets a pass here.

Bothersome Thing About Remake of Footloose:
It looks like they do the warehouse scene again! Come on- what are you thinking?! Terrible job here! I’d freaking ban dancing too if I lived in a town where boys were showing up to warehouses and busting moves like that! Jeeezus.

Bothersome Thing About first Footloose:
Extended sequence where Kevin Bacon tries and teaches Chris Penn how to dance. Lookit, dudes don’t teach other dudes how to dance and they especially didn’t do it back then. That part of the country has line-dancing solely for the purpose of avoiding the awkwardness involved in this sequence. Again, though the movie became loved for its camp so, the original gets a pass.

Bothersome Thing About Remake of Footloose:
It appears that they go right back to the “dance teaching sequence”. Come on! Dudes, it’s 2011- no one ties a rope from their waist to another guy’s waist in a high school hallway- even the producers of Glee are like “That’s over the line!”. Just write in a section where Ren shows his buddy an “It Get’s Better” video and cut together another tractor race or something. Lazy filmmaking!

Other things I hope they’ve changed from first film- the attempted rape of the girl character by her first boyfriend. In the original film, doesn't Lori Singer have to knee a guy in the nuts to get him to stop trying to boink her in a parking lot in broad day-light? I don’t remember, but I think so.

Also, from the trailer I can’t tell if producers of the film brought back Kenny Loggins, Denise Williams or Bonnie Tyler for the music. If they HAVEN’T, then lesson learned but part of me feels they may have.

Footloose opens this weekend!
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1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Very well said. I like your article. Cool analogy.

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