Friday, September 30, 2011

What Sucks…I Don’t Know How She Does It

What? Continue to look like a cartoon horse?!

Get female romantic leads in 2011?

Eat an entire carrot while being brushed in a barn?!!

Join the fun in the comment section and remember, as always- don’t be racist! (There is no reason anyone needs to be racist, we’re making SJP jokes!)

Follow What Sucks on Twitter!

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

What Sucks…America’s Most Wanted

Is Lifetime really the best place for this show? Are we trying to track down criminal scum wherever they hide or dudes who say they’ll call, but don’t?!
Follow What Sucks on Twitter!

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

What Sucks…Two & A Half Men

Starting the season off at the funeral of Charlie Sheen’s character? Wow, how often art imitates what-I-can’t-believe-hasn’t-happened-yet-in life.
Follow What Sucks on Twitter!

Monday, September 19, 2011

What Sucks...…Dancing With the Stars

Chaz Bono? Nancy Grace? Rob Kardashian? Considering they’re in their 13th season, you’d figure by now just based on numbers alone these ass-clowns would have had to hire at least one star by now. Alas, no. 150 hires, all nobodies*.

*Once again, except the person who books the sports figures, who although they have had slip ups in the past (Rick Fox?) seems to be the only person to take the show’s title seriously. This show blows, but it rocks if I want to see some of the greatest players to ever play in the NFL dance.
Follow What Sucks on Twitter!

Monday, September 12, 2011

What Sucks...The Substitute! Watch This Show!

Hey- my new show debuts today on MTV starring the great Jon Gabrus (Mocap, LLC) check it out, will ya? Then write an email to MTV saying it changed your life (for the better!) Y'all wrote letters to keep Cagney & Lacey on the air- you can do it here too!

It's on Mon-Thurs at 4:30 PM! On MTV!
Follow What Sucks on Twitter!

Thursday, September 08, 2011

What Sucks…Madonna

People, people PLEASE! How many times have I told you NOT to give Madonna Hydrangeas! She “absolutely loathes them”. She doesn’t care if there’s an open mic, or if she’s being filmed, or if you had no way of knowing how much she hates Hydrangeas- she WILL shit on you publicly. PLAY IT SAFE- GO WITH SOMETHING YOU KNOW SHE’S INTO-

Much younger man penis. A few of them if you can. If they play in the NBA or even if they are an unknown personal trainer/ borderline street hustler- all the better.
Follow What Sucks on Twitter!

Wednesday, September 07, 2011

What Sucks...Peppermint Breeze Tea

"Peppermint Breeze"? When did we start naming tea after strippers?

That's it. Look, we're still in beta! All right, here's more and remember, you've seen it here 10,000th- one of my favorite comedians talks about my favorite comedian.

Follow What Sucks on Twitter!

Tuesday, September 06, 2011

What Sucks…This Guy

His name is Milijenko Parsarisas and I hope I am spelling that correctly though it’s not like he’s reading- he’s probably checking out “Eat-Prey-Love”. Again. Anyway…he’s spent over a million pesos (like 35 bucks*) to put 82 tattoos of Julia Roberts over his body. 82 tattoos of Julia Roberts! Mostly from her movies (although not from ‘Larry Crowne’ I mean come on, the dude's not crazy! Hanks on a Vespa? That's a movie now?)

By the way, a Milijenko Parsarisas Fun Fact: if he spins around in front of you really fast, you can see the first 20 minutes of Erin Brockovich! They're called boobs Ed!

Hey Milijenko Parsarisas- I know she’s a “Pretty Woman” (get it?) but not when I’m looking at her on your man-tit!

*denotes may not be true in today’s economy.
Follow What Sucks on Twitter!

Monday, September 05, 2011

What Sucks…Blog Note/ Site News

Holy crapola, it’s been talked about for months- the internet has been waiting with bated breath- when will WHAT SUCKS be back? And what the hell happened? Did suckage win? Were we, the 34 people who kind of come here every now and then, abandoned and forced to go it alone against all that sucks?

Well, what happened, as we all know, was that the economy went into the shitter because of Wall Street & the banks public sector unions, and I needed to get a job, bad. Just had a kid, selling my body wasn’t an option, so, long story short, I needed to stop as much of the writing jokes that wasn’t making money as possible, and get onto bringing home the bacon, or as my wife puts it, bringing home the turkey bacon. I’m not allowed real bacon anymore. Cholesterol. I digress. Mind you, I’m still broke, but come on, I had to get this thing up at some point.

So, as you can see I will be kind of slowly rolling out what I am trying to get the new “blog” or “site” to look like in beta form- hopefully the thang will be up in all its glory in a week or two, once I try and figure out what the hell I am doing. In lieu of the blog, I hope you enjoyed the Twitter feed, please follow me there at @WhatSucksBlog. They’ll be some funny stuff there as I know how to work it from my phone and do NOT know how to work the blog from my phone.

The “new” or “re-born” What Sucks will be a place to post some videos, links, etc as well as chronicle the battle against the suck. Also, as you know, I’m kind of open to posting videos you may have made- just leave a comment or send me a note at

All right, so, let the slow roll-out begin!
Follow What Sucks on Twitter!