Tuesday, January 18, 2011

What Sucks...Circus Peanuts: A What Sucks Classic!

Candy is supposed to be good. It’s supposed to make you smile. It gives kids fits because they love it so much that they try and eat as much as they can of it, then go crazy as sugar takes over their bodies and makes them insane savages for the next hour until it burns them out and leaves them in a collapsed, comatose state.

That’s what candy is supposed to do.

But WTF is a circus peanut? If it’s a candy- and it often is classified as such- who eats them? Who likes them? Are they ever not stale? Why are they seemingly only available in 24-hour gas station shop-marts and drug stores? Who are they being marketed to?

Something is up. We have a bad candy- that kids don’t like- that is never fresh- that is only sold in truck stops and drug stores- that are called Circus Peanuts. On top of all that- they don’t taste like peanuts. From everything I read (I’m not tasting these things for this study) they are banana flavored.

Why is there a market for stale, banana-flavored peanuts sold only at gas stations and drug stores?

And what’s the connection to circuses? I’ve been to circuses, I’ve had cotton candy- I’ve bought a light that I twirl around in a circle- but I’ve never eaten circus peanuts there. Shouldn’t they be sold at circuses?

If they’re in stores, someone must be buying them, right? But who? Have you ever been in a 24 gas station and the guy in front of you is getting circus peanuts for the road? Where is he going? Why won’t the Slim Jim just do? Have you ever been to a Rite Aid and watched someone pick up a pack after getting their prescription filled?

Some things that suck I don’t pretend to understand. Circus peanuts are one of those things. They must be stopped. They must be destroyed and removed off the face of the earth.
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Anonymous said...

Well, I think circuses actually used to sell peanuts. Plus, old cartoons have taught us that circus elephants love peanuts.
I've never eaten these, because they always looked like styrofoam peanuts to me. I always imagined that eating one would be like biting into a styrofoam peanut as well.
I recall there being a site on the web about bad candy. Almost all of them were foreign candies, but they, too, featured circus peanuts.

Anonymous said...

They rock. I've been hook on them since I was a kid. the little bags at the gas station are inferior copies of the good Brachs and Spangler Brands. Soft and chewy and light at the same time. It is pure sugar and air but Oh wow are they good.