Thursday, December 23, 2010

What Sucks Presents…Christmas A-holes: The Inn-Keeper In The Nativity Story (A What Sucks Classic)


Yes, I know you are busy forcing your tongue down someone’s throat who happens to be standing under mistletoe, and yes, Christmas is the time to celebrate good will for all men and to wish for “peace on earth” and all that shit, but you also have to admit, as a time of year it can really bring the dicks out of the woodwork.

The Great A-holes of Christmas: Volume 2: The Inn-Keeper In The Nativity Story!

So everyone basically knows the story of the first Christmas as it pertains to the birth of the big Jeezy (Jesus). Mary, Jesus’ mom and Joseph, the guy who was with Mary when she was “knocked up by the Holy Spirit”, had to leave their hometown because there was a census and thusly had to make a journey to a town named David.

The journey was taken on donkey-back, under the famously bright star of Bethlehem. We all remember the angels trumpeting the arrival of Jesus to the shepherds, and the 3 Wise Men making the trek to see the Baby Jesus with their gifts, but lost in the shuffle for far too long were the actions of some of the most underrated A-holes in all of Christmas lore- the inn-keepers of Bethlehem.

Let me paint the picture for you, a PREGNANT WOMAN, ready to pop, sitting on a donkey is outside your hotel, having traveled many miles to get there, and each one of you a-hole inn-keepers are not only telling her you have no room at your inns, but one of you tells her to go to your barn. A barn!

Dude, that’s Baby Jesus, you’re sure you don’t have any room? And even if you’re not buying into the whole “a Savior is born tonight” thing, this woman is clearly 39-40 weeks pregnant and the best you can do is a manger?

I know they didn’t have a reservation and yeah, it was the holidays and all, but you’re telling me you were okay with sending this chick to lie in some hay, next to a donkey?

Poor Joseph by the way, the guy just walked across Israel, with a mysteriously prego-wife, and now he’s got to tell her that they’ll be staying with a goat.

JOSEPH: Yeah, can I get a room?
INN-KEEPER: No room at the inn.
JOSEPH: But, this is the Son of God.
INN-KEEPER: Oh, the Son of God? Why didn’t you say so? (INN-KEEPER HITS BELLHOP BELL) Hey, Johnny, please, show these people to the “Son of God Suite”.
JOHNNY THE BELLHOP GUY: Son of God suite?
INN-KEEPER: Yeah, you also know it as the manger. (TO JOSEPH) It’s where we keep all the saviors. HIT THE BRICKS!

Did the inn-keeper have to be such a dick? How awkward was it when the 3 Wise Men came by?

WISE MEN 1: Yeah, had a hard time tracking you guys down, didn’t really think to check out the mangers. I mean, they said humble beginnings but I was thinking more “Red Roof Inn” than petting zoo.

WISE MEN 2: Yeah, I brought you some myrrh, but it looks like what you guys really need s an upgrade! Ho!

Merry Christmas everyone and Happy B-day Jesus! As is the case I’ll be posting very infrequently until the New Year because I’m getting my drink on, and also getting ready for the annual Year In Suck posting. Thanks for reading and don’t sit on your (Christmas) balls!
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1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Is this supposed to be funny? FYI: It's NOT!