Friday, October 08, 2010

What Sucks…Getting Set Up


Being married might be a special hell the English language lacks the words to fully describe and all, I mean I personally feared it to the point of phobia (I once turned down tickets to the “The Music Man” because it was a wonderful marriage of song and dance!) but good lord, the worst has to be when you break up with someone and then your friends try and set you up, because that’s when you find out what you REALLY look like.

It’s like a betrayal. My friends introduce me to some girl who’s 40 pounds overweight, her hair is awful- she’s missing a tooth and I’m like – what the hell?! And they’re like pointing at me, high-fiving each other.

Then it sinks in and you’re like Bruce Willis at the end of The 6th Sense. Everything is flashing before your eyes- the times you ate ice cream before you went to bed- the fact that your jeans have gone up 2 sizes since you’ve last been single and still are leaving such horrible red marks on your waist where they button that it can easily pass for the guy in Raiders of the Lost Ark who had the medallion seared onto his hand’s, hand (“They’re digging in the wrong place!”). And your friends are like “I see people who have let themselves go…”
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