Monday, August 09, 2010

What Sucks…Naomi Campbell


You know each day I go on the net and try and find stories to read and write and make jokes about and for the last couple of days I see that Naomi Campbell is in the news.

Naturally, I scan the first sentence to see if she’s hit someone else and then when I don’t see the word “assault” in the first paragraph, I move on. Then out of the corner of my eye today I see the words “War Crimes Tribunal” associated with her, so I went to check it out.

Now, for those of you, like me, not paying attention because you’re all like “Wha? Naomi Campbell- in the news again- what happened cause I’ve got serious things to do...” I’ll explain why while we all sleep, she is making a run for the worst person on the face of the earth.

Consider these facts.

First off, let’s not mince words- her job is literally to walk in a straight line, on a catwalk, while wearing clothes. She also gets serious coin for it and has done it for almost 20 years. You’d figure that would be it for her. She’s hot, gets paid a lot, and she’d be basically pretty happy with her lot in life.

No. This horrible human being has to habitually hit people with phones, kick them in the crotch, slap them in the face- BLOODY THEIR HEADS and THEN, I suppose thinking it is so hilarious- makes t-shirts that say “Naomi Hit Me”. As if getting a phone thrown at you, or getting slapped or kicked by this evil, evil satan-woman is a privilege or something.

Now turns out she was A) hanging out with Charles Taylor, the former leader of Liberia at some dinner.

Charles Taylor is one of those dudes that Hollywood screenwriters try to create when they need a bad guy character for that movie that’s released once every two years about how Africa is such a beautiful but fucked up place. You know the one that shows the sunset over the plains right before they show you a child soldier with a machine gun in one hand and some plant that turns out to be a drug in the other- only Charles Taylor is real. He’s really that guy. He’s being tried for war crimes because he basically funded the rebels in the Sierra Leone civil war that has cost countless lives and caused incredible misery for the better part of a dozen years. The Civil War in Sierra Leone was one of the worst things to ever happen to humankind, so...you know, she shouldn’t be hanging with that guy. I’m not being overly protective here or anything, it’s just that you know, enough is enough. I mean, its like if she was in the USA hanging with Joe Francis, only instead of Girls Gone Wild, he robbed a nation of their sons, made them rapists and had them try to destroy the bloodline of a people. (Joe Francis has only done two of those things.)

Now I know you may think- hey, she’s at some dinner – she can’t help who’s there. Yeah, how come then the worst people you hear other super models hanging out with, is like Seal or somebody. No, the guy is a despot okay? I’m not gonna give her a lot of latitude here.

Anyway, then turns out Charles Taylor, gives her a blood diamond- a FUCKING BLOOD DIAMOND- we all saw that movie right? Do I have to go over it- how this is the diamond that dudes get asked “Long Sleeve or Short Sleeve?” for and then have their arms chopped off? Okay- the diamond that basically the greedy world of diamond sellers- who buy the way limit the amount of diamonds allowed in the marketplace so that you have to pay out your ass when you get your engagement ring- that even those greedy, godless fucks have had to say “whoa” on because of the legacy of violence- Charles Taylor gives her one of these and she takes it.

Then someone tells her it’s tantamount to a crime to have a blood diamond or something and she says she’s going to give to Nelson Mandella so he can “sell it for charity”. An illegal diamond that is basically a crime to have. THEN, on top of all this, when Charles Taylor goes to the Hague to be tried for actual War Crimes, she refuses to testify until they basically threaten her with contempt. Finally she gives in and tells them about how he gave her this diamond, a diamond like many others which were sold and used to finance the friggin’ Sierra Leone civil war.

So, yeah, you think its cute and “so outrageous” that your supermodel is directly associated with assaulting people with phones and such, fine whatever, but now dealing with blood diamonds and war criminals? Screw Naomi Campbell who I want to point out, had ample opportunity to hit this dude with a phone, and did nothing.
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