Thursday, April 22, 2010

What Sucks...The Atari Game "Adventure"

Full disclosure, I played this game about 18 zillion times on my old Atari 2600 and I loved it every second of it. That said, holy shit do these graphics suck. There are card games that look cooler than this. “Risk” must have seen this thing in the early 80’s and been like “Nice try, kid now if you don’t mind, Monopoly and I are gonna do some more coke. Hey, look- is that Jimmy Caan…?” (Risk was at the mansion a lot in those days).

I know it’s a different era now- that back then it was all 8-Bit, but still, it’s not that long ago. I mean, I watch old basketball films when the players were all white and yeah, the game looked like it sucked, what is the equivalent of that for video game designers- were Asians banned from designing?

For Christsakes the avatar is a square.

You were a dot. The ball from “Pong”. You couldn’t even go with an asterisk?

And I’ll ask you to guess what these things were…

Dragons! I know I would have said ducks too. Disgraceful! The designers weren’t even trying- I hope all their wives slept with guys from Colecovision- at least they gave a shit.

It gets worse too. The “sword”…

…was an arrow. You know at this point, in the game, call the thing an arrow. It doesn't HAVE to be a sword. Look at the box of the game…

…come on- there are no arrows or ducks on that thing, any less of an effort here and the whole thing could have been a “Choose Your Own Adventure” book.

Look, I loved this game. I played it a million times and spent unknown hours that I will never have back looking around it for special dots that would allow me to go into never before seen screens and mess with stuff. But the graphic designers of this thing, well, I know this will sound harsh but, they deserve to be carjacked by an Eastern European guy.
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