Wednesday, April 14, 2010

What Sucks…Jesse James

As much as I am loathe to talk about this Jesse James thing, there was a report today that he had to pay off another mistress when it was revealed she had proof they had an affair in the form of DNA. In laymen’s terms, she saved a shirt he finished on. (In my world, laymen are crude and direct to the point.)

First off, umm, gross.

Secondly, what the hell kind of a person has sex with Jesse James and A) doesn’t immediately take a shower and get their clothes dry cleaned and B) keeps the shirt for “future” use? Oh wait, let me answer that question with another question- have I seen the women Jesse James has sex with?

The reports say this particular chick actually dated Jesse James before he was with Sandra Bullock- and Jesse was all set to claim that the affair took place before he was married UNTIL the chick produced, I shit you not, the shirt and it was obvious from the shirt that the affair didn’t take place that long ago. Translation: this fucker wore a “Chipmunks 2: The Squeakquel” t-shirt to go have sex with this skank! (Ed. Note: I can’t prove that.)

Any way you cut it, this Jesse James thing is completely out of control. Last week there was a report he had a foursome in the back of a tattoo parlor with Michelle “Bombshell” McGee, a tattoo artist named Eric McDougall, and his receptionist, a woman named “Skittles”. This is them…

Yeah. The mental image of them doing it is so nasty I had to give my computer a shot of penicillin before it would allow me to upload that pic.

The real victim here is obviously Sandy Bullock. I mean, ultimately Jesse will be fine. Eventually he’ll get another show- perhaps the History Channel’s upcoming “Hitler’s Favorite Hats” and while his image has taken a beating, I don’t think the women he hangs around with when he’s NOT with Sandra are not gonna have much of a problem with him when the dust settles.

Sandy on the other hand is humiliated. What does she do? Continue to take the high road? Even I am beginning to serious sympathy for her and once sat through Miss Congeniality 2 (on a plane). Ugh. It must sucks to be her- which gives me an idea for a What Sucks Bonus called “Sucks Being”…

Sucks Being…Sandra Bullock!

This poor woman! She married a man who’s legacy will be bringing Nazi porn into the vernacular.

Rumors have her divorcing him ASAP, but nothing is official yet- I hope she’s not thinking of taking him back. It would be a mistake- at least now. I mean come on Sandy, you have to at least let him try and make amends. Let him put the Nazi hat on eBay first, have him show you something. The guy had a foursome with someone named “Skittles Valentine”, who’s to say if you move back in tonight you won’t walk in on him having sex with “Gummy Bear Davenport”!
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