I feel like I am not doing you, my readers, any favors by bring this show up again and again, and I apologize if I sound like a
Picture you and I having a conversation. Let’s say we just met.
ME: Hey, how are you doing?
YOU: Great. Thanks. Yourself?
ME: Not bad. Hey, want to go to a place and watch Kate Gosselin do some half-ass ballroom dance she’s trying to learn?
YOU: No. Why would I want to do that? My time is valuable.
YOU: Yeah, look- nice meeting you. I’ve got to go.
Logical end to the conversation, right? Now let’s imagine you and I are having a conversation- and we know each other.
ME: Hey _______ (fill in your name) you look great!
YOU:Thanks- you do as well- wait- did you gain weight?
ME: Ah, yeah, maybe. Listen, I have an idea of what we can do tonight. Wanna go, unironically, and watch Kate Gosselin- you know Kate from Jon & Kate Plus 8, do this half-ass version of the mamba that she’s trying to learn? She’ll be all dressed up and…
YOU: No. Why would I want to do that? Every few months when we get together, you ask me to go with you and watch some D-Lister learn how to dance- one year it was that scumbag Tom Delay- another year it was the dude who played Elaine’s boss from Seinfeld- once I think it was Nick Lachey- wait, it wasn’t even Nick Lachey- it was his brother I think!
ME: Yeah but…
YOU: No, there’s no “but”. Why the “F” do you think I would want to waste my time that way? I’m insulted. Screw you. Call me when you want to do something cool—like whip-its or something! Goodbye.
ME: But- wait…
Makes sense, again- right? If I asked to you go watch some unlikable nobody try and do a dance- let’s add in the idea I told you it was a star- wouldn’t that be how you’d react? Yet every few months ABC does the same thing to you- ask you to watch a bunch of nobodies dance- unironically, and people flock. Honestly, for everyone on this show this year besides Pam Anderson and Erin Andrews, I have trouble figuring out which is supposed to be the "star" and which is the professional dance partner. Shouldn't you not be on a show called "Dancing With The Stars", if your professional dance partner is more famous that you?
I don’t care what you do to her hair, Kate Gosselin isn’t a star- why am I being asked to watch her dance?
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