Friday, December 25, 2009

What Sucks Presents…Christmas A-holes: The Inn-Keeper In The Nativity Story

Yes, I know you are busy forcing your tongue down someone’s throat who happens to be standing under mistletoe, and yes, Christmas is the time to celebrate good will for all men and to wish for “peace on earth” and all that shit, but you also have to admit, as a time of year it can really bring the dicks out of the woodwork.

The Great A-holes of Christmas: Volume 2: The Inn-Keeper In The Nativity Story!

So everyone basically knows the story of the first Christmas as it pertains to the birth of the big Jeezy (Jesus). Mary, Jesus’ mom and Joseph, the guy who was with Mary when she was “knocked up by the Holy Spirit”, had to leave their hometown because there was a census and thusly had to make a journey to a town named David.

The journey was taken on donkey-back, under the famously bright star of Bethlehem. We all remember the angels trumpeting the arrival of Jesus to the shepherds, and the 3 Wise Men making the trek to see the Baby Jesus with their gifts, but lost in the shuffle for far too long were the actions of some of the most underrated A-holes in all of Christmas lore- the inn-keepers of Bethlehem.

Let me paint the picture for you, a PREGNANT WOMAN, ready to pop, sitting on a donkey is outside your hotel, having traveled many miles to get there, and each one of you a-hole inn-keepers are not only telling her you have no room at your inns, but one of you tells her to go to your barn. A barn!

Dude, that’s Baby Jesus, you’re sure you don’t have any room? And even if you’re not buying into the whole “a Savior is born tonight” thing, this woman is clearly 39-40 weeks pregnant and the best you can do is a manger?

I know they didn’t have a reservation and yeah, it was the holidays and all, but you’re telling me you were okay with sending this chick to lie in some hay, next to a donkey?

Poor Joseph by the way, the guy just walked across Israel, with a mysteriously prego-wife, and now he’s got to tell her that they’ll be staying with a goat.

JOSEPH: Yeah, can I get a room?
INN-KEEPER: No room at the inn.
JOSEPH: But, this is the Son of God.
INN-KEEPER: Oh, the Son of God? Why didn’t you say so? (INN-KEEPER HITS BELLHOP BELL) Hey, Johnny, please, show these people to the “Son of God Suite”.
INN-KEEPER: Yeah, you also know it as the manger. (TO JOSEPH) It’s where we keep all the saviors. HIT THE BRICKS!

Did the inn-keeper have to be such a dick? How awkward was it when the 3 Wise Men came by?

WISE MEN 1: Yeah, had a hard time tracking you guys down, didn’t really think to check out the mangers. I mean, they said humble beginnings but I was thinking more “Red Roof Inn” than petting zoo.

WISE MEN 2: Yeah, I brought you some myrrh, but it looks like what you guys really need s an upgrade! Ho!

Merry Christmas everyone and Happy B-day Jesus! As is the case I’ll be posting very infrequently until the New Year because I’m getting my drink on, and also getting ready for the annual Year In Suck posting. Thanks for reading and don’t sit on your (Christmas) balls!
Follow What Sucks on Twitter!

7 comments: said...

dude -those Yid Innkeepers knew that this baby was gonna be used to market the world's worst three religions

Christianity and Islam and the Moron Mormons

They shoulda given them a one way ticket to Hoboken.

Anonymous said...

yeah that digibandit is right on - the innkeepers shoulda poisoned their soup and the world would be a lot cooler place

Anonymous said...

those comments are right on - they shoulda stuck spears in the whole shit load of them- and maybe the world would be at peace and all those poor alter boys wouldn't have been corn holed.

Anonymous said...

ABSOLUTELY right on comments -the innkeeper shoulda tied mary to the Donkey and had it drag her out across the desert -AND maybe then we would have world peace -and all the Priests would be homeless homos.

Anonymous said...

Hooray - you are all right on the money -they shoulda drowned her in the well and then maybe we'd have free love and free drugs and no asshole homo priests and the pope would have to get a job

father Guido Antuchi said...

You people are horrible! How can you make fun of the Virgin Mary and the baby Jesus,
You must go to confession or go to hell.

father Guido said...

you ever wonder if maybe Mary got knocked up by some other dude and made up that Virgin crap to cover her ass with Joseph -who gets my vote as the most gullible man in history- Jesus don't even look like Joseph -he looks like Antonio Banderas?