Wednesday, November 04, 2009
What Sucks…Flat Tires (The 1st in a Series of Homonym-like Phrases in Which Both Meanings Suck)
Sometimes a phrase can mean two different things and both of those things can suck really bad. This is the case with the term “Flat Tire”.
Imagine yourself driving along, minding your own business when your car suddenly starts making a terrible noise and you begin lurking over to one side. More than likely, you have a flat tire and there are few things that suck more. Now you have to pull over, physically change your tire- or risk ruining your rims- and eventually replace the tire, which costs coin.
Now picture yourself walking through a crowded hallway during high school. You have acne, your body is growing and you haven’t been able to adjust to it properly and your voice is in “mid-change” form. You just want to get to your next class or your locker so you can go about your business and get on with your life when someone steps on the back of your shoe, causing it to come off. This is also a “flat tire”, and it too sucks.
So, is the term “Flat Tire” the suckiest term in the English language because of the double wallop? You can make a case. One thing is for sure however, in order to improve its image, the phrase “Flat Tire” would probably have to come to mean “getting oral from a Unicorn” in order to BEGIN to make a dent in the suckiness associated with it.
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