Tuesday, September 01, 2009

What Sucks…Charmin Bears (Part 1 of a 2 Part Series)

So, I am definitely not the first person to talk about this, and by “talk” I mean have “wake-up-screaming-in-the-middle-of-the-night” type nightmares after seeing these commercials, but that doesn’t mean I can’t try and wrap my head around what has got to be the most disturbing ad campaign I’ve seen since AYDS weight loss system was launched in the early 80’s (Lose weight, with AYDS!)

So what to make of these Charmin Bears commercials? What to make of commercials where bears frolic amongst each other before one reveals that it has the remnants of toilet paper stuck to its ass before playfully trying to avoid its mom as she chases him, trying to clean his ass with a broom and a dust pan?

What to make of a commercial where the toilet paper stuck to a bear’s ass is actually revealed as it hikes a football to its awaiting parent?

Well one logical assumption would be to think that the person who heads up the promotional/ advertising department over at Charmin is greatly influenced, if not blatantly into German-Shit Porn and thusly a perv. But even if that is true, that is only one person who is into shit-porn at a huge corporation, does that person have the power to control the advertising campaign of an entire company? It seems unlikely that someone else would not have said something to object. What would they say, you ask? Oh, I don’t know maybe something like “Hey, who the fuck designed this commercial? Gunther who’s into shit-porn? Fire that guy!”

The more I think about it, it’s not such a stretch to think that someone into shit-porn would go work for a toilet paper making company. Its kind of like how pedophiles like to hang out at playgrounds, but I just don’t think campaign this is the work of just one man.

There’s so much to be weirded out by here, there’s the weird voice over, the insinuation by the whole commercial that toilet paper breaking off in your ass is A) a common problem, B) something that would cause a playful chase with your parent. And how about the use of a broom and/ or vacuum to remove said bits of paper from the bear’s ass. And not the least bit disturbing is the fact that if you accidentally stumbled upon this scene in the woods, it would be the last thing you’d ever see as all three of these bears would maul and then kill you in 10 seconds flat.

Coming Up: Part 2- The Pitch…

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1 comment:

Cody said...

the new one's talk about "passing mom's inspection." I don't know about the creators of these commercials, but my mom never made me bend over to inspect my crack.