Thursday, August 13, 2009

What Sucks…What's Putting Mariners’ 3rd Baseman Adrian Beltre On The DL: BREAKING

Lookit, the Mariners are playing the Yankees tonight and while you want your team to have every possible advantage, no one wants this. DON'T BE SO QUICK TO CLICK THAT LINK!

Maybe I should break it to you.


I don't think I can. I can’t even write it here.

Seems no one can.

Ugh. Here goes. Click to enlarge, but why the hell would you?

I don’t have the inner strength to read any of these articles all the way through, but by skimming them over, I can kind of tell this is serious and just awful. Here are only a few of the phrases that my eyes have been seared by, that leads me to believe this has to be the worst reason for anyone to go on the DL, (and that includes Joe Theisman (pronounced THEEZ-Man))...

1) “contusion”
2) “tearing of the testicle”
3) “appointment with surgeon”
4) “internal bleeding there”
5) “month’s recovery time”
6) “no protective cup”
7) “grade 1 tear”
8) “coagulation”
9) “groin explosion”
10) “excruciating pain”

Okay, I made #9 up but imagine hurting that part of your body so bad your entire SEASON was in jeopardy? Gives me and Kristen Johnson from 3rd Rock From the Sun shivers down our spines. On the bright side, my baseball fantasy league I do with sadists is having its most exciting night yet. Okay, gonna go puke now.

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1 comment:

MMayes said...

This is definitely the worst injury since Kaz Matsui of the Astros spent time on the DL in spring training of '07 or '08 with surgery to correct anal fissures.