Monday, August 31, 2009

What Sucks Salutes People With Giant Balls: Rick Pitino

The way I see it, Rick Pitino has been begging to be included in a “What Sucks Salutes People With Giant Balls” entry since 1987 when he thought he could win in the NBA by making the Knicks press all the time. Well, there was no “What Sucks” back then so Pitino would have to wait. He tried again in 1997 when he took control of the Celtics and Plan A was to draft Tim Duncan and Plan B was non-existent. Again, What Sucks had not been born yet so Pitino would have to wait. Flash forward to 2009 where Pitino admitted to having an affair with a woman in a Kentucky restaurant and then paying her 3000 bucks for an abortion and still, no dice for Pitino on What Sucks until…

…he started invoking 9/11 when talking about his affair!

Dude, enough! 9-11 did not make you have an affair. Unless you were in the building, standing nude in front of this woman and the plane hit forcing you to stumble into this woman’s privates wiener first, 9/11 is not responsible for your affair or for the abortion you paid for subsequently! There’s a reason they have a ceremony on that day where they read off the names of those we lost, and there’s also a reason they DON’T read off the names of people who screwed some random woman 2 years after those buildings came down.

NAME READER: …and my uncle, Xavier Zanders.

OTHER NAME READER: Oh, yeah and let us also not forget Rick Pitino who nailed some woman in a restaurant in 2003 because of all this.

See that? It just doesn’t read right.

Rick Pitino, basketball sized nards.

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