Friday, July 03, 2009

What Sucks Classic: Hooks For Hands: Happy 4th!

Be careful out there!

There’s plenty to be careful out there about- you want to avoid drunks on the road, you want to not exert yourself too much in that game of softball you may play tomorrow, you want to try to not burn your privates on a hibachi- but most of all you want to be as careful as you can around the fireworks.

Why? Because if you become like those people we’ve all been told about or read about who got too close to an M80 or a Blockbuster and you blow up your hand, the ugly truth is that doctors can’t help you. They can just put hooks on your arms where your hands have been.

“Gee thanks doc for these hooks. This is MUCH better. Now I have no hands and scare the shit out of little children. Thanks a lot. Sure you could somehow manage to put a dead puppy on the end of my arms, cause I want everyone to have nightmares.”

Fireworks suck anyway. Seriously, haven’t you seen everything they have to offer already? What new have they come out with? Keep a safe distance and keep your hands! Ever try and touch yourself with hooks?

Yeah, I’m the bad guy from the Fugitive, but those fireworks were great!

Happy 4th. I’ll be back on Monday.
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