Thursday, May 07, 2009

What Sucks Presents: Things I Can’t Believe I Haven’t Discussed Yet On This Blog V.1: Tarantulas, Religious Nuts, Psycho Brides, Platform Diving!


…Tarantulas

Are you kidding me? A freaking giant, hairy, poisonous spider that can jump 8 feet at a time? This blog should have a daily post about these things!




…Religious Extremists Who Won’t Take Polio Vaccine Because They Believe The Shot Is A Conspiracy To Render Them Sterile

Hey A-holes, we could wipe out Polio, instead you think it’s a plot by our government to make you all sterile. Why is it that government can’t pave roads, but whenever someone thinks of a conspiracy plot, all of as sudden we’re governed by a bunch of friggin’ kick-ass James Bond types? I’ve had a street light out on my block for over a year and the government can’t get it’s head out of its ass, but I need someone rubbed out and all opf a sudden they are the people to call? Hey dickheads- there are not that many things we've cured- polio is one of them- get your heads out of your asses!



…Those Sales Where Women Get Some Kind Of Deal on Wedding Dresses And They Storm the Store

You women are animals- you’re buying a dress, why do you have to make it like that episode of WKRP In Cincinnati that examined the stampede at that Who concert?! Control yourselves!



…Platform Diving

What do you think, most boring sport? It’s gotta be up there, you climb up a tall ladder, and walk out on a slab of concrete, then fall off it. You make a splash, you don’t get a metal. You don’t make a smash, you’re a winner.

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