Tuesday, March 10, 2009

What Sucks...El Vacio: Jizz In Your Coffee

El Vacio: What in My Coffee?
Ed. Note: The following is a transcript of what occurred on March 9th 2009 at a Starbucks in New Jersey…

I am writing this from a Starbucks located in Hoboken, NJ. What these people DON’T know is that we’ve replaced their average, run of the mill coffee condiments like Splenda, Sweet & Low and Equal with...Jizz.

Let’s see the reaction when we tell them…

Okay, I’m stepping into the shark cage I brought with me and I’m about to make the announcement. I’m going to have to shout pretty loudly because this place is pretty packed…

Okay, people are getting pretty pissed- some don’t know what I just said so I’m having to repeat it- hang on…about to repeat it…

Okay, the people to whom I repeated it are very upset. Okay I have just witness two women vomiting, a young man of 22 or so is trying to get at me now in this cage. Okay he is picking up a chair and throwing it at me…the cage has protected me.

A third person has now begun vommitting and from across the room I am witnessing a woman ask another woman what is going on…she has just told her that there is Jizz in her coffee and the woman is now crying.

My cage is being shaken now by a few of the employees of this place so far it is holding up just fine. A woman in the back of the store is attempting to explain to her child why everyone is upset. I can’t hear what she is saying but I am watching the child’s face and yes, okay yes, the child is now crying.

The woman is looking at me, she is very upset and she is walking toward me, I feel confident that she will not be able to hurt me as I am in a shark cage and this thing is strong enough to withstand attacks from sharks.

Oh wait, she is pulling out a gun. This is not good because I did not consider someone would be armed when I decided to replace the average, run of the mill coffee condiments like Splenda, Sweet & Low and Equal with...Jizz.

There is no way that the bars of this shark cage are close enough together to prevent a bullet from getting through. I fear this are the last few minutes I have on this earth. Everyone in this Starbucks appears to be in agreement that this woman should pull the trigger…no one seems to think that putting Jizz in their coffee was a good ide…

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

swinging

Anonymous said...

You have issues!

a.zeteki said...

this blog make me snort into my own coffee a little bit... too funny ;)