Monday, March 16, 2009

What Sucks Presents…They’re Still A-Holes!: Dick Cheney, Howard K. Stern, Lohan, Britney Spears

Yeah, yeah, yeah Chris Brown, Bernie Madoff and Jim Cramer are a-holes and all but don’t kick dirt on the graves of the old school legends you'll find below- it looks like they have a message for us all- that message? We’re still a-holes!

…Dick Cheney

Don’t call it a comeback, he’s been an a-hole the whole time! Cheney emerged this weekend to shit on Obama, say we’re less safe as a country now and not take any responsibility for where the economy, saying “stuff happens”, is even though he ran the country for the last 8 years. On the bright side, looks like we can all finally figure out where his “undisclosed location” was, (say it with me America, this joke is easy)…up his own ass!

…Howard K. Stern

Dick Cheney and Howard K. Stern grabbing headlines for acting like douches? What is this, early 2007? Everything old is douchey again! Howard K. Stern was accused last week of allegedly providing prescription drugs to Anna Nicole Smith, and by the way- it’s an insult to the word “allegedly” to include it in this sentence!

…Britney Spears

I’m about to write about Britney Spears’ privates popping out again- I have to ask, did someone mess with the space-time continuum no? Well then, did someone mess with the space-douchebag continuum? Yes? I thought so. This chick has to be the only person who has an easier time controlling actual cats than her own pussy. We’ve been subject to this thing for like 5 years now and let me tell you something – it’s not getting better with age! Seriously, I’ve seen this thing more than The Shawshank Redemption and I watch TBS all the time!

…Lindsay Lohan

Honestly, I’m shocked she’s lived this long- must be lesbian love that keeps her alive because to be totally truthful, for a while there it looked like Terry Schiavo was gonna outlive her. What’s awesome about her retro douchocity rearing its ugly head again (a warrant was issued for her arrest for a parole violation) was that it had SUCH a gravitational pull, it also brought with it entire Los Angeles justice system which as you all know, does not allow for young women who break the law to go to jail. (A judge through that shit out.)

Congrats seemingly irrelevant docuches, you are once again powerhouses of sucking!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

ha nice post Chris