Thursday, February 26, 2009
What Sucks…Val-Pack Coupons
Hey Val-Pack, thanks for filling my mailbox up with crap. Thanks for that monthly envelope of coupons for shit that I either would never need (buy six Dannon Light & Fit Yogurt cups and get one free) or didn’t know exists (Del Monte makes sweaters?). I’d be less embarrassed walking into a supermarket using food stamps than one of these things.
Also, thanks for putting all that information in there about laser eye surgery. Cause that’s where I want my laser eye surgery info to come from- direct mail. And also, after you have lasers pointed at your eyes, it’s always good to know that in your pocket, you have a coupon good for 15 percent off.
This stuff is printed on paper. Trees died for this, you know. I think people should have to answer to trees for the reasons some of them are cut down.
“You killed me because something called ‘Jiffy Lube’ was offering 20 percent off a future car wash?”
“I was chopped down because you wanted to sell Welch’s new AquaJuice™ drink?”
“You felt there needed to be a Joey Lawrence Biography?”
I just threw that last one in, because it exists and I think a tree would be generally pissed about it.