Tuesday, January 27, 2009

What Sucks…The Song From Cheers, If It Weren’t For Cheers


Yes, you read that correctly, I’m saying the song used as the theme from Cheers, sucks.

It’s true and I know what you’re all saying- “that song is a classic”, “I love Cheers”, “Is today the day this blog finally talks in depth about adult braces porn?” (NSFW)


Well, this isn’t about Cheers, and it isn’t about adult braces porn, you perv, and sometimes to find out what sucks you have to dig deep. Suckage needs to be “uncovered”, viewed in the sunlight for what it is and this song “Where Everybody Knows Your Name”, sucks.

Let’s take a look at the lyrics. Here’s the part we’re all familiar with…

Making your way in the world today takes everything you've got.
Taking a break from all your worries, sure would help a lot.
Wouldn't you like to get away? 



Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name, and they're always glad you came. 

You wanna be where you can see, 
our troubles are all the same
You wanna be where everybody knows your name. 


You wanna go where people know, 
people are all the same 

You wanna go where everybody knows 
your name. 



Yeah, I get it- it’s a great song, it’s comforting, and you grew up watching the repeats on channel 11…but this post isn’t about sitcom opening billboards that suck- it’s about a song that blows and what this in-depth, What-Sucks report is saying- for the first time publicly, is that not only are there many more lyrics to this song, but those lyrics in question make the song suck.

All those night when you've got no lights 

The check is in the mail; 

And your little angel 

Hung the cat up by it's tail; 

And your third fiance didn't show; 


Sometimes you want to go 



3rd fiancé? Check is in the mail? What are you talking about?

CHORUS
Where everybody knows your name, 

And they're always glad you came; 

You want to be where you can see, 

Our troubles are all the same; 

You want to be where everybody knows your name.

Roll out of bed, Mr. Coffee's dead;
The morning's looking bright; 

And your shrink ran off to Europe,
And didn't even write; 

And your husband wants to be a girl; 


Be glad there's one place in the world


Shrink ran off to Europe and didn’t even write? Whose shrink writes? HUSBAND WANTS TO BE A GIRL?

This is the Captain Jack of sitcom theme songs! I feel like shit now- why not just have the chorus say… (sing to the tune of the Cheers theme song)

Where everybody knows your name, 

And they all know your life’s lame
You want to go where people know, 

Got problems? You’re the one to blame-
You want to be where everyone knows
You’re a loser.
Hey, no shit you’re going out to drink,
I would too if I was as miserable as you are.
You know it’s a week night but what do you care
Drink yourself till you’re numb!
You wanna go where you can drink till you're numb!

Try throwing Woody Harrelson’s or George Wendt’s credits over that. There have been few songs out there that have benefited more from editing than “Where Everyone Knows Your Name”.


Song Sucks.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

"3rd fiancé? Check is in the mail? What are you talking about? "

Your a moron the song is obviously about hard times in one persons life and the need to get away. read a book