Wednesday, December 24, 2008

What Sucks Presents…Christmas A-holes: The Grinch

Sure Christmas is the time to celebrate good will for all men and to wish for “peace on earth” and all that shit, but you also have to admit, as a time of year it can really bring the dicks out of the woodwork.

The Great A-holes of Christmas: Volume 1: The Grinch!

History has been kind of, well, kind to the Grinch. Ask yourself, what do you remember most about him? That his heart grew 3 times that day? That he carved the “roast beast”? That once upon a time he learned a valuable lesson about Christmas?

How about that he concocted and executed with disturbing aplomb a plan- which can only be described as insidious- to rob an entire community of a beloved holiday?

Kind of gets lost in the shuffle, doesn’t it? Why, because he decided in the end to “bring stuff back”? Just for the record, let’s review what this animal did-

- A conservative estimate of about 12-15 instances of “breaking and entering”. Which in Whoville or not, is a felony.
- I’ll low-ball estimate the monetary value of the stuff he took- let’s put it in the range of 50 thousand dollars- grand larceny by any measure, a felony.
- I’ll throw in “endangering the welfare of a child”, a felony.
- Numerous instances of cruelty to animals, a felony.

Right there we are looking at a criminal the likes of which we seldom see. And why? Because his shoes were too tight? Because his heart was too small? Because he couldn’t take noise?

I’m sorry, this guy is a dick. I remind you he stole ice cubes out of someone’s freezer, the pedals off a poinsettia AND a crumb from a mouse. He stole ice cubes from someone’s ice tray! Look at the film!

Not only that, multiple times he endangered his dog by either forcing him to act as an accomplice to precariously parking his sleigh on the peak of a mountain, with Max still tied to it.

The dude should be in the Whoville county jail.

The Grinch- a serious Christmas A-hole.


Anonymous said...

Animal cruelty is a felony?!

Anonymous said...

Ask mike vick!

Anonymous said...

Animal cruelty is a felony yes. As it should be.

Your grinch post had me rofl, I just happened to catch a bit of it on Tv before you wrote this. I assume you saw it as well lol.

I have to say you argue a good case for the suckiness of the grinch!

Just wanted to let you know the post was enjoyable and a good creative choice for a post.

Down with the grinch!

In other thoughts-
I say you do a post on how idiots who use comment pages on blogs for stupid one liners that mean nothing and have little to do with the post they are commenting on, suck.

Orandon Marie said...

You might enjoy this lyric I put together for a friend's sucky-boss:

You're a big jerk
Mr. Grinch,
with your shoes -
and your heart -

With attitude
and latitude
you walk around in a

(Spoken like a little child:
"That's because you're a great-big, big-assed giant-sized jerk...!")

Who's penis
is smaller
than an inch!