Monday, November 17, 2008

What Sucks..Axe Body Spray


BLOG NOTE: As a public service, WhatSucksBlog.com would like to address the young men of America who think that using Axe Body Spray, Deodorant or Shower Gel will aid them in getting laid. It will not.

Dear Young Men Of America:

Sometimes in the haste to make the journey from boy to young man, we succumb to various pressures we find along the way. These “pressures” may lead us to decisions we later regret- mistakes if you will, from which we must form our values, learn our lessons and hopefully develop character.

Some of these mistakes are understandable. A buddy offers you a smoke in the school parking lot- tells you it’s no big deal- everyone’s doing it- it looks cool. He has a point- it does look cool and often it impresses chicks- that kind of peer pressure is difficult to overcome.

Some mistakes are brought on by society. By not erupting violently at the thought of “30 Seconds To Mars”, society passively condones the band and leads you, confused, to download a song of theirs, or let girls you know “get into them”. Next thing you know, you have to navigate your way through emo-music and deal with guys wearing mascara.

With the above instances, often more important than making the mistakes is your reaction to them. If we can learn from our errors- well then, we are on our way to navigating life.

Sadly, however, there is another “mistake” we sometimes face, that all too often is born of fear and ignorance.

It is in these particular instances that we must be vigilant. We must find the strength to conquer these blunders before they take hold. I’m talking of course about the idea that one could possibly think- even for a second- that Axe Body Spray (Shower Gel or Deodorant) could in any way shape or form, help one get laid.

Now I know as young people, you are inundated with mixed messages from the media telling you that what you look like or who you’re getting laid with is the most important thing in the world. Granted, it of course is- but we must remember to use our heads.

Do you really think that running out and buying Axe Body Spray or Shower Gel is going to get you chicks? That stuff smells like shit. As a matter of fact, it smells worse than shit. It smells like someone ate shit, and then shit the shit they ate, out. It smells like digested, double shit. It’s gross and you can all do better if you think that using that crap squared, is gonna help get you some tail.

Further, if I may direct this next sentence to those who have a bottle of Axe Shower Gel in their bathrooms, or a stick of Axe Deodorant in their medicine cabinets. Would you be so quick to run out and get your Axe product if you knew that not only would it not help you in your quest to get laid, but it might in fact NEGATIVELY effect your chances of fucking?

Well, sad to say- it’s true.

In your haste to buy stuff that may get you laid, you’re actually buying something that HURTS your chances of getting over on some girl. A sobering thought, indeed.

I am so convinced that Axe Body Spray, Shower Gel, etc. is a hindrance to getting laid, that if one (1) woman can honestly write in the comment section of this posting- that she’s had sex with a guy wearing some Axe product, and can prove herself to be real- I will buy dinner for her and her Axe wearing, douchebag boyfriend at an Applebees of her choice.

In closing, allow me to restate that despite what you see on commercials and depicted in media, Axe Body Spray smells like poo, and will not help you get any action. For Christ sakes, and women will back me up on this, visible herpes sores act as a better aphrodisiac.

Axe Body Spray will not get you laid*.


*denotes: by a woman.


Would never happen.

15 comments:

Mike Marsh said...

You, sir, are a true philanthropist.

Kae said...

it pains me to say this, especially since i don't think i qualify for the free Applebee's dinner since the person in question is not, in fact, my boyfriend, but i am a real woman, and i'm pretty sure i've had sex with a man who was wearing some sort of Axe product.

truly, this was a misguided decision.

it does smell like poo.

Delicious Monster said...

It's marginally better than stank.

What more can you ask for than that?

squad546 said...

I sprayed half a can in a co-workers car once as revenge. The smell didn't go away for months! He thought about putting rotten meat in the back seat to cover the smell of the spray.

Anonymous said...

Are you guys serious it smells okay to me

Mika3177 said...

thought you may want to see this

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2008/1021081tag1.html

apparently this guy was under the assumption that tag WOULD get him laid

InkSplatterProductions said...

Very good observation...however, I do think some of their ads are funny and they have made a niche for themselves in the world of advertising.

Please check out my Axe parody ad when you get the chance. Thank you! :-)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M7y5tvH32NY

Anonymous said...

I am doing research for an ad campaign I am currently writing for Axe Products and stumbled across your blog! Hilarious! I am laughing so hard I have tears running down my face!

uhidontknow said...

Well said. If it's one thing I've learned in my 24 years on this Earth is that most people are quite stupid and this is the rule, not the exception. People watch commercials, get brainwashed all too easily and let the commercial linger in their head until they head off to Walmart and then it pops up again. If even a quarter of the U.S. could think for itself, this country wouldn't be in the shape it's in.

Anonymous said...

I must disagree. I for one, had a very hot encounter with a man wearing axe. And though I don't find myself terribly attractive, I am told all around that I underestimate myself. He on the other hand is the farthest thing from a brainless jockstrap and he smells so sexy that I could take a bite out of him, just like the chocolate man. I would dip strawberries in his belly button any day.

Anonymous said...

I must disagree. I for one, had a very hot encounter with a man wearing axe. And though I don't find myself terribly attractive, I am told all around that I underestimate myself. He on the other hand is the farthest thing from a brainless jockstrap and he smells so sexy that I could take a bite out of him, just like the chocolate man. I would dip strawberries in his belly button any day.

Anonymous said...

There is a guy in C.R. Iowa name Timon Modracek. He loves Tag and Axe and is still a Virg. Dont touch this shit or it will leave you a virg!

Anonymous said...

I have wore it b4 and gotton laid as long as u smell decent and look decent and know how to talk to women u can get laid.....jus because u wear axe or armani doesn't mean shit.

Lester said...

MODERATION IS THE KEY MY FRIEND :D
a lot of people hate axe because those people who hate axe know people who spray a whole can of axe on themselves. haha. Well, it's true. Any cologne or perfume would smell aweful if used too much right? so why don't you try advising those people who wear axe to just lighten up the usage of their body sprays. IT SMELLS GOOD ANYWAY :D JUST DON"T BE A HATER COZ YOU DON"T UNDERSTAND WHAT"S REALLY WRONG. :DD

Lesley said...

I absolutely hate Axe body spray. I find every man wearing the scent to be repulsive. My young brother's douche bag friend gave him a bottle of that crap. Every morning he sprays every inch of himself with Axe and leaves the house smelling like shit. I am on a break from college so when I am in the house all day studying for when my break is over I have to smell that horrible scent. I try to figure out why the hell he wants to use Axe, he is only eight years old! It makes no sense what so ever. It pisses me off how his middle school "friends" get him to do all this irritating shit and now he is using this horrible crap.