Monday, October 27, 2008
What Sucks…Eels! (Electric and Otherwise)
Hey look, I’m scuba diving- deep under the water- sure I’m vulnerable to sharks and barracuda attacks, but at least I’m safe from snakes, right? No? There are some that live down here as well? Oh, and they’re vicious? AND THEY CAN GIVE ME AN ELECTRIC SHOCK? You’re shitting me. Hey G-d, you’re fired.
WTF? The sea isn’t dangerous and F’d up enough? We need eels?
The ELECTRIC eel, by the way technically a fish- a KNIFEFISH- can weigh 45 pounds and grow to 8 feet long. They have two bites- one where they shock the shit out of you- (500 volts) and one where they merely shock you so you get away from there permanently traumatized that you were bitten by some psycho underwater snake that has electric current running through it. So basically, like a Star Trek weapon, an eel can set itself on stun or kill.
So, hey God, nice job inventing the eel.
Every moment you spend in the ocean without being attacked is a victory.