Tuesday, August 05, 2008

What Sucks…Miley Cyrus


Hey Billy Ray Cyrus, can you ah, maybe pull your daughter aside for five minutes and tell her to chill out? I know she probably doesn’t listen to you, because she’s at that age when teens don’t listen to their parents, AND you’re, well, Billy Ray Cyrus, but still- there has to be a way you can take away her Sidekick before Google News makes us all an accessory to a crime. This chick has taken more “racy” photos than Jeff Gordon’s 6 year-old nephew after his mom let him play with her digital camera.

Ahem, when he was visiting with Jeff Gordon. At the Daytona 500.

This chick has released more “racy” photos than Jimmie Johnson’s NASCAR publicist?

...more "racy" photos than the official Klan photographer at a career retrospective?

No? Nothing? Fine.

And no, pervs, I’m not putting the pictures in question up here, you can hit them up on some other blog written by some dude who’s not afraid of going to the slammer. I wouldn’t last a minute in there. Mostly because I use the phrase “The Slammer”. Besides, my connections within the Latin Kings aren’t as strong as they used to be and I’d need them backing me up should I go “inside”. The Aryan Nation is not an option for me- I'll get shanked the second they see the giant “Urkel” tattoo on my back. There's no way to hide it and those guys are always taking their shirts off when they hang out.

Back to Hannah Montana- a young woman her age in Hollywood should be busy doing drugs right now- showing her privates on the internet is supposed to come years later. What, is she a “Lohan-savant”? She needs to chill. She hosted the Teen Choice Awards the other day- is she looking to host the “Jailbait Awards” as well? (Coming to Spike in the fall- I'm writing for it!)

I know many will think I’m being alarmist but if you made a flip book of every picture that’s come out over the past few months, it would be a remake of “The Crush”.

Billy Ray is not doing his job- it concerns me that the phrase “Miley, we should talk about the photos you’ve been taking lately.” Is vastly less overheard in the Cyrus household than “Hey, what’s Chris Hansen doing in the kitchen?”

3 comments:

Fusilli said...

I can't believe no one is commenting on this.

Thanks for the link, btw. Love you.

Dwayne Charrington said...

I definitely agree with what you've said here. I even made a post outlining a few things why she sucks.

Take a look if you like:
http://probablysucks.com/10-reasons-why-miley-cyrus-sucks/

Hadewisa said...

Maybe you are interested in this site.

Compilation Of Miley Cyrus Hot Photos

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