Monday, August 18, 2008

What Sucks…Beverly Hills Chihuahua (A What Sucks Call To Action)

Countless animators worked on this CGI effect driven movie about Chihuahuas. I’m not sure of what the plot involves, watching the trailer it would appear that a number of Chihuahuas have united to say they no longer are interested in taking any shit. I could be wrong, but it looks like they are gathering behind a leader- Papi- who is bringing out in them some kind of Chihuahua Nationalism. Singing and dancing about how great they are- managing in the process to come off even gayer than they do normally- they appear to be joining forces to be heard and have their demands met, which will in all likelihood serve as a precursor to a Chihuahua massacre.

Obviously, Disney would never market a movie like that, no matter how cool THAT movie might be, so one must assume Beverly Hills Chihuahua will be a lame musical comedy aimed at your children that teaches them its okay to have a dog that weighs 3 pounds while in the process, defaming Latino culture and reinforcing Mexican stereotypes.

Clearly scores of musicians and composers (singers, etc.) contributed to the music here. Countless animators, as I have mentioned before designed this art- working on powerful computers that cost a lot of money. Someone wrote a script or at least an outline of a script that they are all working off- all of this energy expended plus money to market this film- in a time of war…

Is it really that inconvenient for your kid to read a book? Is your kid really that annoying that you need to take him or her to this film so you can get away from them- occupy them for the hour and a half that it runs? If so, why are you raising such an asshole?

Let’s use this as an opportunity to improve our communities. Look at it this way- it costs 7 bucks for a kid to go to this movie, and 11 bucks (probably) for an adult. This film if you have the average American family of 2.5 kids, is looking to cost you about 27 dollars before popcorn to see it.

Take a stand. Don’t do it.

Go out into your neighborhood. Find that retired teacher who still lives in the area- the one who got into teaching when public schools were decent and not as f’d up as they are now. The one who stayed around as a teacher when the schools got screwed up because she wanted to make a difference and because she still had some years to do before she could retire.

Find her. Take her to the library- and each one of you parents, give her 5 of the 27 dollars you would normally give to Disney, and have her read from a book, to your kids. First time out, I’ll suggest “Strega Nona” by Tomie dePaola. Kids will like it- its about a town that gets flooded with spaghetti.

You get 20 kids in your hood, you’ve just taught them about libraries- you just gave the retired teacher 100 bucks and you just saved yourself 22 dollars before popcorn- which by the way, is bad for you. A win, win, win.

If not, take a look at the “plot summery” line I lifted from IMDB- you may have to click on it to enlarge.

That’s right- a Chihuahua gets lost in Mexico and must find her way home- apparently Chihuahuas in Mexico, are a prideful bunch who sing and dance. No wonder Mexicans are trying to come into this country.


Walking Spanish said...

my kids LOVE Strega Nona-
They have several books about her.
They also have their own dog, so there will be no need to see this trite piece of crap..

Jessica Eiden said...

Sweet Jesus! I miss the Muppets.

I think I will go find that teacher...

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

what sucks? Arlene Louann Pack showing up out of nowhere! happy hiding, you jackass! this is Emily Schwarz, your #1 enemy!

rchelsea2005 said...

Thank you very much for such words--and for bringing up Strega Nona. I used to love it as a child, and it was nice to hear of it again :]

Jenny said...

The Movie is awsome<3
I just love chihuauas!!!