Tuesday, July 29, 2008

What Sucks…Quick Hits: Khloe Kardashian, Gas Prices, Shia LaBeouf, Sharks, Robert Novak



…Khloe Kardashian

Is DUI a crime in LA? This chick isn’t even a celebrity and she’s doing less time for a felony than it takes to drive from Hollywood to Santa Monica at rush hour. Can we make the punishment for driving while intoxicated longer than the season premiere of Heroes? Also- you should spell your fucking name with a “C”, like everyone else.


…Gas Prices

If these things were any more steep they’d come with a friggin’ sherpa! People are worried about the “five-dollar gallon”? They should worry about the “4 integer gas sign”!





…Shia LaBeouf

Drunk driving? A pretty boy like this won’t last 30 minutes in the big house! Luckily, the way we sentence celebs, he’ll only have to last 15!



…Sharks

For years I’ve been railing against these killing machines, and this weekend they have the chance to attack, to take out, to remove once and for all from the face of the earth Ryan Seacrest- and they blow it. Thanks for showing up, sharks.



…Robert Novak

What, are brain tumors slumming?

2 comments:

Ben said...

$3300/gallon for Regular? You gotta be kidding me!

Come on!

Darkly said...

Shia LaBeouf pretty? Huge pussy yes, but pretty no. He looks like he smells and I'm not sure if I'm remembering correctly but I think it was him who recently gave an interview in which he admitted to doing the doo in his pants until he was twelve.