Monday, July 07, 2008
The following is a list of words I don’t want associated with my third baseman or the New York Yankees.
- Jewish Mysticism
- 3 for 19 against the Indians in the 2007 playoffs.
- 1 for 16 Vs. Angels in 2006 playoffs.
- Huge fan of Morrissey.
- Absentee Dad
Do I really want to wait around until I hear that this guy is a huge fan of Morrissey? What the hell is wrong with this guy? Madonna? You’re about to make your wife the 3rd highest paid player in baseball for a 50-year-old skank who thinks she’s British?
And apparently, you didn’t even have sex with her. What kind of guy can’t close the deal with Madonna? The woman’s bed as a turnstile next to it (© Joan Rivers, 1989). At a recent gynecological exam she was mistaken for the Holland Tunnel (© Joan Rivers, 1889). She’s the only person who looks at the 1989 Detroit Pistons and says “Need him, got him, need him, got him, got him…” (© Joan Rivers 1789)
Since A-Rod has joined the Yankees, the Red Sox have won two, 2!, World Championships. It’s bad enough I have to hear about that from those insufferable a-hole Boston fans (many of them fine, upstanding people, many of them not) but now I have to be taunted because the third baseman on the greatest franchise in the history of sports decided to blow off his wife for a sehttp://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gifxagenarian?
This year the Yankees have grown porn star mustaches, worn thongs, but never have they sunk to these depths. Being a Yankee means something. It means a lot of things. It doesn’t mean banging an ol’ hag who once tried to get the world to wear conical bras.