Monday, June 16, 2008

What Sucks...These Dads!

Take a bow these dads, you're really an example of what Father's Day is all about- WHEN IT HAPPENS TO FALL ON OPPOSITE DAY!

Here's hoping that while the rest of us were honoring our dads no one was buying any of these jag-offs ties, tools or anything for their backyard grills. Take a look at the above clip- you’ve probably seen it a bunch of times before, unless you’ve been spending the last year editing packages for the “Dad of the Year” Awards, in which, I’m not so sure it will be shown.

…Hulk Hogan

There was a time when many would have thought it pretty cool if the Hulkster was their dad. Those days are over. I was willing to give the Hulkster a pass for having a daughter who looks so much like him that if anyone thinks she’s hot it probably means they want to have Hulkamania run all over them and not in a good way BUT, now with your whining bitch-ass son putting some dude in a coma and then crying from jail about how unfair he’s being treated and your wife running around getting banged by a 19 year old, I have to say you are not worthy of a Fudgy The Whale Cake (Whale of a Dad!)

Plus, on top of all of that my wife tells me that when you wrestled, all your matches were fixed. Unacceptable.

…Joe Jackson

Nice job. Seriously, way to go, the only kid you have left who’s a viable member of society is Ms. Jackson (I call her that, I’m nasty). Your son Michael is now white. He shows up to court in pajamas, has owned a Llama and a monkey, wears a surgical mask wherever he goes (including MMA fights) and touches little boys. Also, he named one of HIS kids “Blanket”. Still, I’d probably rather hang with him than Latoya.

…Murry Wilson

Brian Wilson’s legendary abusive dad who lost an eye and I think used to show Brian the empty socket when he wanted to punish him (I heard that somewhere) is in not so rare form on this famous link here. Rumored to have hit his son over the head with a 2x4 causing him to lose hearing in one of his ears.

…Michael Lohan

It’s bad when you f-up so bad as a parent that your kids have to turn to Dina Lohan for parental services- doubly bad when you realize she takes a cut. You’re literally a worse parent than her- your kids could wander into that town in “The Hills Have Eyes” and be better off!

…Josef Fritzl

Yeesh. You have to think somewhere along the line this guy, who hid his daughter in a secret compartment of his basement for 24 years and repeatedly raped her, must have gotten a “World’s Greatest Dad” T-shirt once or twice in his 40-something years as a parent . Maybe that fact will finally stop us from giving out that T-shirt with impunity.

...George H. W. Bush

I'm not sure what's on that award you're looking at in this photo, you know the one being given to you by noted scumbag Ken Lay, but I'm pretty sure it's not the award for having at least two, probably 3 sons with their heads up their asses.

1 comment:

Jessica Eiden said...

What about Dick Cheney and his lesbian daughter? Well, Mr. Cheney can make the list for various other reasons....