Tuesday, June 24, 2008

What Sucks…Celine Dion


Like fascism, suckage, unchecked, will advance steadily across territory and space, consuming everything in its path. Its unyielding expansion must be met head on and defeated at every turn. If not, you will have what we had in the early part of WW2, or what neo-cons thought we’d have if we didn’t stop Saddam Hussein or what we’re having now as Celine Dion thinks it’s okay to cover AC/DC in her concerts.

Yesterday Total Guitar Magazine named Celine’s take on “You Shook Me All Night Long”, worst cover ever. Sadly however, as the song was first performed by Celine 6 years ago at some VH1 Divas Live show (I’m just finding out about this right now) the damage may have already been done. Alas, just because something took place 6 years ago, and sucked, doesn’t mean it can’t be discussed, therefore…

Why was this allowed to happen? Look at the clip on YouTube- there appears to be a crowd there who are cheering her on. Are these the same people who (Spoiler Alert!) cheered for Nicholas Cage to be burned at the end of Wicker Man? This clip is an abomination in the eyes of God!

Celine Dion is a very skinny woman with a very large, round head. From distance she looks like an alien. Also, she is married to a dude who is really, really old, who knew her when she was 12. And, on top of that, she’s Canadian. Her doing a cover of “Shook Me All Night Long” never should have been allowed. In order to cover that song, someone should have had to in fact shake you all night long, there’s no way the septuagenarian Celine Dion married shakes anything all night long, unless of course you count his privates during the 12 to 14 times per night he gets up to pee.

Canada has a lot to answer for musically- Bryan Adams, Nickelback and the weird looking Rush (relax, I've seen them 3 times myself) and now this.

18 comments:

Anonymous said...

As a Canadian with good taste I can assure you that we hate Celine as much as anybody, maybe even more.

Walking Spanish said...

Canada has given us some greats too.
2 words - Neil Young.

that makes up for a lot.
Otherwise this is i think the 4th horse of the apocalyptic seven.

Anonymous said...

As walking spanish said,2-words - Joni Mitchell. Or - Diana Krall. I could go on, but as Celine proves, no country is perfect. I'm American, and when I see "sucks" in the dictionary, right beside it is Kenny G's picture.

Anonymous said...

I would rather gargle my own vomit than look at her, let alone listen to her.

Anonymous said...

Are you guys freaking nuts Celine Dion is amazing fuckheads her voice is amazing and look at it this way look where she's at and look where your at no ones while she is the 4 richest woman in the worl get a clue people

Tom said...

Celine Dion is a waste of skin. She is a never was washed up hack of a ....."Performer" and I use that word VERY VERY loosely, and only because I absolutely REFUSE to refer to her as an artist out of respect for the REAL artists. Celine Dion is as much an artist as Mili Vanili were.

She is appallingly ugly, she looks like an alien with aids, and she is married to her grandfather (Well hes old enough to be anyway) Why are we even talking about this ...Person (again I use that term loosely) ?

Anonymous said...

Guys, why do you spend your time hating people?? If you don't like her, come on, don't be angry with the world. CĂ©line is an amazing singer, disciplined, honest and kind to people. You can't deny it. I wouldn't love Canada and French as well as I do today if it wasn't for her. Live your life with less prejudices.
Ps. "You shook me all night long" was a DUET with Anastacia!

Anonymous said...

I'm Canadian and can't stand her music. My friends who like her have pranked me several times by locking me in their cars and blasting her music. Worst moment EVER.

Anonymous said...

Further to my comment above, I think what I can't stand the most about her music is that she is like the Borg of vocalists - she takes classics like The Power of Love (gotta love Air Supply) - a song that was already covered by Jennifer Rush (and that shouldn't have happened either) and tries to make it her own. She does the same thing in her shows (I've never gone, but my relatives are rabid fans and have told me about it because they want me to like her) - she sings All By Myself, several Michael Jackson songs - like, stick to your own material instead of covering other people's songs and trying to show them how much 'better' you can do it...and stop turning rock classics I love into easy-listening, operatic nightmares.

Yes, she has an amazing vocal range - but so does a bagpipe, and I don't like those either. Perhaps she's nice as a person, but I will never, ever be a fan of her music - and I'm Canadian.

Anonymous said...

Celine Dion is an amazing singer. I'm sorry, but if you don't like her; you have problems. As a canadian I am truely proud of her. When I hear the Titanic theme song, I burst into tears. Remembering that this happened is truely one reason and the other is how well the song is song. Celine, if you ever read this; you are amazing.
Mel.Chance

Anonymous said...

An open invitation to Celine Dion.
FUCK OFF AND DIE!

Anonymous said...

I wish the Titanic would rise up off the bottom of the Atlantic ocean and sail up your stupid fukin ass. Then youd have a more logical reason to cry when you hear that shitty nerve wracking song. You're a fucking moron!

Anonymous said...

Ok. People from Quebec should stop trying to write in English because I can't understand what they're saying. Learn English or move back to France fuckheads!

Anonymous said...

AC/DC should sue Celine Dion. They don't even put their music on itunes and stupid bitch Celine is covering their music. She couldn't fart a tune out of her bony ass that I would listen to.

Anonymous said...

Learn french or go back to England.

Anonymous said...

celine is the reason why we have a health care bill..........

Anonymous said...

Yes, she has an amazing vocal range at age 12 her hubby help her reach those vocial notes.lol

Anonymous said...

...and on behalf of Canadians I'd also like to apologize for Bryan Adams. Hopefully, Neil, Randy, Rush, and the Hip make up for it.