Thursday, June 19, 2008

What Sucks…Bed Bugs


What separates the bed bug from other shitty insects? Well, to the non-scientist, one would have to say the fact that they tend to live in your bed and during the night, they come out to feed on your blood. To the scientist, well, pretty much the same thing.

Bed bugs suck. They really blow. They leave behind a nasty smell when there are a lot of them living together and often even a greasy mark. Like a tick, but without the charming anchors that borrow into your skin, the bed bug will transmit disease, but you don’t have to burn it off with a cigarette.

Nice animal God, what, did you come up with this one the same day you invented the act of keying a car and then had your car keyed?

And by the way, here’s why anyone who believes in a literal interpretation of the Bible is a completely full-of-shit-asshole. When The Lord told Noah to take two of every animal- in pairs because he was planning for a- and I’m quoting the Bible here- a “Big-Ass” flood” there is no “F-ing” way he took Mr. and Mrs. Bed Bug. Just is just no way. Why would he? Unless he was a major douchebag. (Also, why would he take the mosquito, the fly and the tick? ) So clearly, either the flood didn’t happen and the Bible is not meant to be taken literally, or the Bed Bug EVOLVED after the flood.

Oh, you disagree? Then Noah is a douchebag who brought onboard his ark, bed bugs.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Been reading for a long time... one of your best.

Merelyme said...

oh god that is a horrible creature but i think it may be outdone by cockroaches. just think...when we humans are all ashes...these creatures will probably live on. now who is the superior creature?

Anonymous said...

Hey genius, no matter what your belief in is in the bible, I think we'd all agree insects are not animals. :)