Wednesday, April 23, 2008

What Sucks…Rockstar Games



All right, maybe they don’t suck, but doesn’t it feel like GTA 4 has been delayed for something like 80 years? Where the hell is April 29th, already? It's not really coming out, is it? Am I panicking or can I believe? Will there be another delay? I want to punch hookers- get me this game already!

Look, we all saw the trailer and it rocked and I’m sure the game will be awesome but it’s friggin’ taking forever! This is an emotional roller-coaster- video game companies like you are not supposed to “create drama”!

What is it, Rockstar? Why the delays? Is it about the PS3? Is it the different consoles you’re working the game for? I heard if you play this game on the Wii, the controller is an actual gun! Or is there something more? Are you gun-shy?

Are you afraid to release it because you’re such amazing artists and this game is so cool, your afraid it won’t be recognized for what it is? I can understand- a couple of years ago you released Vice City, and you were on top of the world.

Then you release “The Warriors”, a video game that was being called for by exactly 5 people worldwide, 4 of whom were involved in the film. But fine, the game turned out awesome. Sure it was based on a 26 year-old movie and sure you guys wrote and designed a shot for shot remake of the opening of the film along with an elaborate back-story about how Cleon (killed in the first 10 minutes of the movie) formed The Warriors but whatever the thing sold like 37 million copies, right? Hey, you believed in the project- I respect that- you have to grow as artists after all, Dylan plugged in, right?

Then you release Ping-Pong, which turned out to be…ping-pong. No violence, no hookers, just ping-pong. I played that game for 15 hours waiting for some hot coffee- but nothing. Would it have been that hard to make it so that you could have played against a hooker? No? Fine, it was a tribute of sorts to early gaming. I get it.

Then comes “Bully” and when the press went bad over the boy-boy kissing scenes, and sales weren’t outrageously successful, something snapped. It’s a confidence thing, isn’t it? You’re afraid.

It’s gonna be fine- release the game already! Do you realize that in the time it’s taken you to come out with this game, Detroit has become a worse city than the place you were designing? You’re getting lapped! Act like a man!

Did you know there was a game that came out this year called “Orange Box”? If the Rockstar I knew and loved released something with that title, it’d be about Lindsay Lohan’s vagina!

You’re becoming like Axl Rose, aren’t you? Tinkering, and tinkering, never satisfied- don’t make GTA 4 the video game Chinese Democracy!




GTA 4 drops April 29th!

1 comment:

Darkros said...

You know this is all true but i really dont care much because i've got only a wii and this game is for xbox360 =(