Wednesday, April 16, 2008

What Sucks…Quick Hits: Carmelo Anthony, EW’s The Hit List, Marilyn Monroe Sex Tape, MySpace Beat Down Girls, Impatient Democratic Party Members

…Carmelo Anthony

DWI? How dare you?! You’re in the NBA- the charge is “Possession Of Marijuana”! (If “The Hit List” by Scott Brown in Entertainment Weekly steals this gem, I’ll cancel my subscription!)

…Scott Brown’s “The Hit List” From Entertainment Weekly

Come on Hit List, you can do better than this! #10: Madonna talks about saving Britney…and there’s no “adoption against her will” or “Britney/ Madonna kiss” joke? No, “Madonna said ‘I can’t believe I kissed that- and I’m Madonna!’” Just some bullshit Lassie joke? You’re not even trying! (If “The Hit List” by Scott Brown in Entertainment Weekly steals this gem, I’ll subscribe!)

…Marilyn Monroe Sex Tape

1.5 million dollars for this thing? Why are people still obsessing about her? If she were alive today, she’d be 80! Plus, let’s face it, she was chunky! By the way, it’s not a sex tape if you have play it on a projector- Bret Michaels, Pam Anderson- all the greats work on DV, not Super 8!

…Those Myspace Girls Who Beat Up That Other Girl
Never has high school girls rolling around and fighting at some slumber party been so un-hot. By the way, memo to tech/ internet savvy kids of today- stop recording yourself doing crimes! There were more shooters at this thing than at the Baghdad Airport! Michael Mann doesn’t get as many angles on a scene as these bi-otches did!

…People Who Are Pushing For The Dems To Settle On A Nominee Now

Look, like Bill Clinton, I’m no big fan of Hillary, but if this thing continues for a little while longer, who cares? I just don’t get the rush to settle- what, do we all work at Jib-Jab and are afraid we won’t have enough time to do a parody song to the tune of some ditty in the public domain so we can avoid paying copyright fees, like the talentless, cheap bastards we are?


See above- you guys suck! Can't wait till you guys do your magic to "Coming 'Round The Mountain"!

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