Monday, March 24, 2008

What Sucks Salutes Giant Balls



…Hillary Clinton

Following up telling people they should fear Barack Obama answering the White House phone at 3 AM…(How’s Hillary gonna answer it? “Bill, that you? Come home now!” Whoo! Feel free to use that one around the watercooler!) …with making a few speeches in which she suggests she’d consider putting him on her ticket as her VP, all the while trailing him in pledged delegates and number of states won, Hillary says the Florida and Michigan primary results should count even though it was agreed by all camps that they wouldn’t, AND she was the only on the ballot. Balls.


…China

A week after aggressively moving to quiet protests in Tibet which resulted in the death of anywhere between 19 and 100 people, and then today opening fire on 100’s of monks and nuns, the Chinese government comes out yesterday and called the Dalai Lama a terrorist. Big ones.



…Cheney

America marks the 5 year anniversary of the Iraq War and the 4000th soldier killed in the line of duty, Dick Cheney says the above. Big AND Brassy.



…Heather Mills

Originally asked for 250 million of Paul McCartney’s money despite be married to him for less than 4 full years. Then, when awarded 50 million complained loudly saying she will appeal and curses the judge even though there is a gag order on her. Claims to work for various charities but was unable to show any records of any donations/ contributions to the court. Also, threw a glass of water on Paul’s lawyer’s head! Pumpkin Sized.



…Barry Bonds

After being a total a-hole for his entire career and shooting himself with so many roids his nards were recently mistaken for rabbit poo, Barry Bonds, who is under indictment for perjury after allegedly lying under oath a bout talking steroids and who is also very limited in the field and hasn’t been able to run for 5 years said he’s considering suing baseball owners for collusion because he can’t seem to get a job this year at the age of 43. Grapes, literally and figuratively.



...The New York Times


In an article today the New York Times did a story about The Hills in which they refer to Heidi Montag as a feminist hero! She’s a talentless douchebages! Big brassy ones.

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