Tuesday, February 05, 2008

What Sucks…Heidi Montag’s Music Video: A What Sucks Experiment!

Heidi Montag sucks. As a singer, she sucks more but to be honest, I really don’t know all that much about her, because, let’s face it, they don’t show “The Hills” on PBS, and if its not on channel 13, I don’t watch it.

But come on, look at this piece of crap. It’s like this was shot by a rich Russian guy who was looking to make his new American girlfriend a porn star. She obviously has contempt for YOU if she thinks she can put out an album and have you buy it. So here’s the experiment- YOU’RE gonna write this “What Sucks” in the comment section. I’VE posted the video of this idiot, who can’t sing, who’s lip-synching along the beach in her front yard, after not eating for three weeks. There’s plenty of material here for you to hit up so, go nuts.

All I ask from my hardcore readers- no racism!


Mike Marsh said...

In Heidi Montag's video, she performs a public service by showing first-hand that if you continue to go "higher, higher," you will eventually suffer from oxygen deprivation, leaving you unable to do more than wander randomly through the surf (watch out for that undertow!), or, with sufficient effort, swim in damp sand, inasmuch as not drowning in something wet is considered "swimming."

If you prefer your criticism less cruel (ha!), then the video could instead be summed up as insipid lyrics over two bars of sixth-grade band music, repeated ad nauseum, with cinematography that could be summed up as: Beach Cliche #1, Beach Cliche #2, Beach Cliche #1, Beach Cliche #3, repeat.

Frank Gibson said...

Ok, I made it 1 minute and 28 grueling seconds into this monstrosity. What Sucks? uh... This does.

1 Camera, 1 set, 1 model, 2 or 3 outfits.

two hand motions- outward from ears, and up to clasp/emphasize boobalage.

took 20 minutes at most to film, another twenty to edit, and maybe 15 to right the song.

And maybe 20 minutes to set up the one *other* camera in the star's dressing room for the cinematographer's private enjoyment.

That second video is actually much higher quality.

Frank Gibson said...

That was supposed to be "write the song" not "right the song".

They obviously never "righted" the song, because it is still horribly wrong.

If only there were a way to preview your comment before publishing it!! What? There is? Oh.

lowlights said...

What sucks is using the ten thousand year march of civilization and invention, from wheel to electricity to microprocessor to broadband, to eventually broadcast this crap.

Where's the V-chip; where are the filters; where is the Chinese government when you need it?

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