Tuesday, February 19, 2008

What Sucks…Bad Guys In Movies Who Aren’t Really Bad: The Military In “King Kong”

“It wasn’t the bullets that killed this beast, it was beauty.”

No dude, it was the bullets and, by the way, thanks.

Look, call me “unromantic” and all but if there’s a 60-foot gorilla running around New York City throwing cars, crushing people and climbing the Empire State Building- (the freakin’ Empire State Building!) kill it. Kill it with planes, shoot at it with guns- kill the 60-foot gorilla that has taken a woman in his hands and has begun to climb one of our greatest architectural accomplishments.

G-d bless those dudes in the bi-level attack planes, they did the right thing. You think the Peter Jackson version of King Kong was too long? Well, they left out the scene where the guys in the fighter planes get a parade up the Canyon Of Heroes. Those guys saved a city from a giant, vicious gorilla.

And just to save me a future “Bad Guys In Movies Who Aren’t Really Bad” entry, you can apply all of the above to the military in “Short Circuit (Number 5 Is Alive)” and “ET”.

Yeah, I want the army called when a robot decides it knows how to love. When a robot begins to “think” for itself, that’s the perfect time to call in the big guns.

And no, I’m not buying the idea that the military was wrong in the first place to make Number 5, because technically it was the military- industrial complex that gave birth to Number 5, just like Eisenhower predicted.


Anonymous said...

disagree about the army guys in ET... those guys were dicks.

Keli said...

I think they called him Johnny 5, not Number 5.

Chris DeLuca said...

It was "Number 5 is alive!", in the movie, check your facts Keli!

Here's Johnny was in the song. Maybe you only read the book or something.

Anonymous said...

I think I have to agree with Keli on this one Chris.


Chris DeLuca said...

that was not my mom, everyone and it certainly wasn't anyone who knows anything about Short Circuit!

tex martini said...

Gots to butt in here. The robot was originally called Number 5 by the government. After his madcap experiences with freedom and personal choice, he decided he wanted a real name, Johnny Five.

So, in a way, everyone was right, and can all be proud of ourselves. Anyone for Wii Sports?