Monday, February 25, 2008

What Sucks… Crazy People In The News! Ralph Nader, Gary Busey

…Nader Announces Bid For White House, America Avoids Eye Contact, Looks At Shoes

At a press conference today Ralph Nader confirmed what he said on Sunday’s Meet The Press, that he will once again run for President. Nader then took questions, the first 23 of which being “You’re shitting me, right?" WhatSucksBlog has obtained this transcript of part of the press conference.

Nader: I will now take your questions…

Reporter 1: Michael Greenwood, Omaha Daily Press. Are you shitting me?

Nader: No. I am not, I believe that Americans are unhappy with the current system and…yes…

Reporter 2: Joel Steinart, The Sacramento Bee. You shitting us?

Nader: Again, ah, no.

Reporter 3: Jessica Boru, Detroit Free Press. You’re you shitting me, right?

Nader: Like I said before…

Boru: And I have a follow up- are you shitting the people?

Nader: No. No I’m not. Yes, you sir.

Reporter 4: Lyle Weldons, Tampa Reporter. Is there anyone, with this announcement, you are shitting?

Nader: (SIGHS) Next question.

Reporter 5: Claire Owens, Staten Island Advance. Are you shitting me?

Nader: No.

Reporter 6: Steve Henderson, The Lincoln Tribune. Are you shitting me?

Nader: No.

Reporter 7: Brian Giles, Salem Chronicle. Are you shitting me?

Nader: No.

Reporter 8: Michael Greenwood, Omaha Daily Press. Come on, you’re shitting us.

Nader: Is that a question? No. No I’m not…

…Busey At The Oscars: Tracking A Psychopath

5:35 PM PST. In the biggest security breech since no one checked a book depository in Dallas, Busey, allowed on the red carpet at the Oscars, thinks he recognizes noted tool Ryan Seacrest from a bonfire he was hanging around or something at and yells to him.

5:37 PM PST. Seacrest, scared, immediately approaches Laura Linney and Jennifer Garner, thinking you can simply ignore an engaged Busey without having to put him down- a lesson learned the hard way by Mel Gibson in “Lethal Weapon 1”, and by Steven Segal in “Under Siege” and by an airplane in “The Buddy Holly Story.”

5:39 PM PST. Busey, now borderline agitated moves to Linney, who he congratulates, then to Garner- where is security? Where is Affleck (F-ing Kimmel?) Where is Seacrest? Moving in slow motion, he kisses her neck- Garner, thinking that this just may it for her, sees her life flash by her eyes, and sadly, is forced to watch all of “Catch and Release” (even sped up, that sucks) before Busey is away again and Garner is forever changed.

February 25 9:44 AM PST. A day later: in the safety of his radio studio, Seacrest calls Busey, and is told the following

“Well, what I wanted to do was when I first saw you working, I said, "Who is this guy?" And I said, "Oh God, this isn't going to work." And then you captured me. You are to me, when you're working, an innocent champion of honesty. Your heart has a way to embrace the truth in your delivery without looking like you are reading a script. Everything looks spontaneous. What spontaneity is—spontaneity comes from an invisible idea that is there before the creation began. And you have that naturally, so I just wanted to pay you a compliment. But I didn't know you were in the middle of an interview, I was just moving through there.”

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