Friday, February 08, 2008

Quick Hits: Shit I Missed Last Week Because I’ve Been Celebrating The Giants



…The Bill Frist/ James Carville Coke Commercial

I’m supposed to drink Coke now because Bill Frist drinks it? Really? Cause I was going to hold out until I saw what Rick Santorum was drinking. Let me get this right, you pay 2.7 million to put an ad on during the Super Bowl and while Pepsi is using Justin Timberlake, you take two of the most repulsive human beings on the planet, Bill Frist and James Carville, and you base an ad campaign on them? I wouldn’t have these guys advertise “douchiness”- and they’re huge douchebags.



...Roger Clemens

Not looking good. Seems like the only record he has that won’t have an asterisk on it is “most consecutive denials of taking ‘roids.”



…Anyone Who Saw/Or Would See “The Hottie and the Nottie”


I was going to put “Hollywood” here, you know for the contempt they to have for audiences but I thought, why should I blame them? After people paid to see Norbit, and that Wayans brother movie where they put a midget in a diaper and then super-impose another Wayans brother’s face on that midget and everyone acts like they’re dealing with a baby, why shouldn’t “The Hottie and the Nottie” be released? It should be released in a damn festival. There is literally no reason to see this film. Paris Hilton stars in it. The “nottie” in real life is someone who wouldn’t date you in a million years. If you saw this, or actively plan to see it, clearly you’re punishing yourself for molesting a collie somewhere in your past and you need to hurt yourself to see if you could still feel.



…Super Tuesday

Never have so many people voted and not said anything decisively*. Hillary won big states like NY, CA and NJ, but Obama won some states too- an example of people not being decisive in this Super Tuesday** On the Republican side, John McCain won a lot of contests, but not enough to knock Mike Huckabee or even Ron Paul completely out of the race***. And overall, the 2008 Presidential picture is not 100 percent clear****.

* denotes “except that they don’t like Mitt Romney”
** denotes other than saying they don’t like Mitt Romney.
***denotes “unlike Mitt Romney”.
**** denotes “other than the fact that Mitt Romney is totally fucked”.


…Mitt Romney Stepping Down

This has to be painful. For a guy who spent the amount of money he spent to be president, he polled at 23 percent- and folks, that’s only among his wives! Only joshing everyone, he has been married to one woman his entire life but seriously, he does believe the Garden of Eden was in Missouri.

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