Tuesday, January 22, 2008

What Sucks Presents...Things That Suck That Are Also Awesome


A giant whirlwind, sometimes the size of an apartment building moving at 250 miles per hour, that destroys everything in its place. Awesome. Yet, when it tosses your trailer 350 feet in the air, very sucky.

…Motley Crue
Their music is retarded, they wore a ton of make-up, their lead guitarist is a walking skeleton, their bassist was dead for about 10 minutes in the late 80’s, their lead singer killed a guy drunk driving and got ridiculous plastic surgery and their drummer is best known for steering a boat with his giant penis. Yet they rocked and knew how to put hot chicks in their videos.

…Portuguese Man O’War
A bad-ass hybrid of 4 different polyps with tentacles that on average extend 30 feet underwater and could extend to 165 feet in some cases. Strong enough to kill large fish and even a man and sometimes found in groups of 1000 or more floating in the world’s oceans- can sting you even when their dead.

Tells G-d to shove it, gets his ass thrown out of heaven, goes on to run his own place where bad guys go to burn for eternity. In charge of demons and rock music for years. Yet, if you believe your local clergy, is constantly trying to fuck things up for man and every once in a while jumps into a little girl and makes her puke pea soup.

Founded by a science fiction writer who was addicted to drugs. Tells people the earth was invaded by aliens a million years ago and that these “aliens” are responsible of all the evil in the world. Takes over the careers of some of the biggest stars in Hollywood and is basically responsible for the film “Battlefield Earth”. Also, they do everything they can to discredit psychiatry because if you’re into Scientology, you need a shrink. But the sheer ability to declare themselves a religion, gain tax-free status and take over the city of Clearwater, Florida can be viewed as awesome.


Boz said...

Satan looks pretty easygoing.

Anonymous said...

The Christian God makes satan look like a pussy. - He gave us the Inquisition - genocidal slaughter of hundreds of millions of indiginous peoples - let's not forget the Jewish slaughter - on and fucking on - and half the Priests are humping little boys - on and on:
"Satan is cool -but not as cool as DeLuca" says Mrs. Bandit