Tuesday, January 29, 2008

What Sucks News…The Florida Primary: Geezers And Shirtless White Trash Head To The Polls To Determine Rudy’s Future


In a bold move that many are calling “idiotic” and “a major fuck-up”, Rudy Giuliani has put his future in the hands of Floridian voters (people about to die and people about to get arrested), who today go to the polls in walkers, rascals and stolen cars respectively, to choose their favorite Republican candidate.

Giuliani’s gamble, that old people and drifters will rescue his bid to be President is not unprecedented. 145 years ago, Lancaster Phelps, running at the time on the Wig ticket- a party comprised solely of people wearing ridiculous wigs, not to be confused with the Whig party- a legitimate party at the time, made a similar wager and lost “big time” when he was killed by a Seminole Indian.

Giuliani is hoping his constant mentioning of 9-11 will trick seniors into thinking that 9-11 wasn’t almost 7 years ago, but rather, last week. And his multiple marriages are something he is hoping brings out the many, many divorcees who live in the areas of Florida you would never in a million years vacation at.

1 comment:

gabrus said...

take that florida primaries