Tuesday, December 04, 2007
AUTHOR’S NOTE: In comedy, there are a million stories about Aquaman, this is just one of them.
Aquaman has to have the easiest Super-Hero gig by far. Superman and Batman are out there busting their asses, saving the world, Aquaman is dealing with “sea crime”.
There has to be weeks where he’s doing nothing. Just hours of monitoring Coast Guard scanners, settling disputes between fish- telling hip-hop stars who have parties on yachts to turn down their music. It’s total bullshit.
I can see him too, sitting on the couch at the Hall of Justice, watching TV- catching up on season 4 of “The Wire”- Batman and Robin have only seen a few episodes from season one- and the phone rings… “Hello? Ma’am? Yes…yes…please relax Miss…let me ask you a questions...does this have anything to do with the sea? No? Okay, maam, please, I’m going to put you on hold.”
Every once in a while I’m sure he had to go out and fight land crime. Like some bank was being robbed, some criminal had a gun to the head of a hostage…
"I want a million dollars in unmarked bills and a helicopter to take me to the airport!”
"All right, we’ll get you I'll have your money in a few minutes, but you're gonna have to give me a little time to get those speed boats for you."
“Now listen up, I’m gonna need you to show me an act of good faith before I can get those two giant sea horses here for you.”
"Who the fuck is that? Aquaman? Can I get a REAL Super-hero, please?”
Back at the Hall of Justice, Batman is getting bandaged up, Aquaman is talking about the continued drop in “open ocean piracy”.
The guy carries a trident for Christ-sakes.