Tuesday, December 04, 2007

What Suck...Aquaman


AUTHOR’S NOTE: In comedy, there are a million stories about Aquaman, this is just one of them.

Aquaman has to have the easiest Super-Hero gig by far. Superman and Batman are out there busting their asses, saving the world, Aquaman is dealing with “sea crime”.

There has to be weeks where he’s doing nothing. Just hours of monitoring Coast Guard scanners, settling disputes between fish- telling hip-hop stars who have parties on yachts to turn down their music. It’s total bullshit.

I can see him too, sitting on the couch at the Hall of Justice, watching TV- catching up on season 4 of “The Wire”- Batman and Robin have only seen a few episodes from season one- and the phone rings… “Hello? Ma’am? Yes…yes…please relax Miss…let me ask you a questions...does this have anything to do with the sea? No? Okay, maam, please, I’m going to put you on hold.”

Every once in a while I’m sure he had to go out and fight land crime. Like some bank was being robbed, some criminal had a gun to the head of a hostage…

"I want a million dollars in unmarked bills and a helicopter to take me to the airport!”

"All right, we’ll get you I'll have your money in a few minutes, but you're gonna have to give me a little time to get those speed boats for you."

"What?"

“Now listen up, I’m gonna need you to show me an act of good faith before I can get those two giant sea horses here for you.”

"Who the fuck is that? Aquaman? Can I get a REAL Super-hero, please?”

Back at the Hall of Justice, Batman is getting bandaged up, Aquaman is talking about the continued drop in “open ocean piracy”.

The guy carries a trident for Christ-sakes.

6 comments:

kend said...

haha...this blog is funny ass,,,,Aquaman sucks!

Anonymous said...

Aquaman really does suck, so happy someone else spotted this...

I think he hung around the HALL OF JUSTICE to clean the fishtanks in Batmans office!

Anonymous said...

Commands creatures of the deep eh...? You know what lives in the deep? GODZILLA. And CTHULU. And who knows what else. So while Superman is dying from magical sea gods, Aquaman will be casually saving the earth. And you know what? In comics, Aquaman can kill people by causing the parts of human brains shared with fish to self destruct. So who sucks now?

Anonymous said...

someone call a bwaaaaaaaambulance someone has a serious case of butthurt, u mad bro? aquaman sucks plain and simple

Anonymous said...

Aquaman really does suck if he wasn't part of the justice league they would do a whole lot better.

Anonymous said...

aqua man really does suck!!!
if he wasn't part of the justice league they would do a whole lot better