Monday, October 29, 2007

What Sucks…Some Recent Victories By Suckage

I fell a little behind last week on some stuff and feel like I have to address a few recent victories taken by suckage.

…Yankee Management: Passive Aggressively Fires Joe Torre: Passive Aggressive Watch V.2

Suits and pencil pushers in the Yankee organization offered 4 time World Champion manager Joe Torre a one-year contract for 5 million bucks, with incentives that bring the deal to 8 million if he wins the World Series.

Now, let’s put the money aside for a second, because what the Yankee suits want you to do is say “Wow, turning down 5 million dollars to be the manager of the Yankees? What an ass!”

What this really signifies is some suit who works for the Yankees saying that, “We don’t want Joe Torre around, but we don’t have the grapes, the stones, the chestnuts as it were, to come out and fire him, like men. We’re gonna put together this passive aggressive, weak-ass contract, with insulting ‘incentives’ that only ½ a man would sign. We don’t want to look like we’re firing him, because we’re huge pussies and lack anything resembling the brass ones it would take to fire a guy who has won the World Series 4 times and made the post season each year he’s been manager.”

And whoever the Yankee manager is next year, if they don’t win the World Series, will they be fired? Will Randy Levine, and Steinbrenner’s Fredo-like sons Hank and Hal offer up an excuse?

Today or tomorrow Joe Girardi or Don Mattingly will be named manager of the Yankees- I hope he doesn’t do anything to screw himself up, like win a lot.

…This Whole Ellen Thing

I have a few questions….

Did people really call a dog adoption place with death threats? Did that happen? For Ellen? Who is taking the time to make death threats to a dog rescue? How could you possibly make a death threat on behalf of Ellen and sound remotely menacing?

“Hey, you better give that dog back to happy, dancing talk-show host Ellen, Moms and Mutts Lady, or you better grow eyes in the back of your head.”

“Ellen was crying on TV today- you’ll give her back that puppy, or you’ll be crying too!”

“If I were you I’d be extra careful crossing the street today- I live for the 4 PM showing of Ellen and today, she was so upset I had to watch Dr. Phil.”

I’d be like- oh, you watch Ellen- really. Oh wait- oh, I get it, you’re threatening me.

Who is making these calls- who are the physically imposing, potentially violent elements of our society who also watch Ellen?

And are they just waiting for someone to give Rachel Ray a bad deal on some of her ingredients?

“I heard you wouldn’t give Rachel Ray a deal on cilantro- how’s she supposed to make ‘Mexican Chili Lasagna’? I’m talking to a dead man.”

…Linda Stasi of The New York Post

Last Monday Linda Stasi wrote this hack/ hatchet job article about the possible upcoming Writer’s Guild Strike.

Showing brazen ignorance, Stasi basically bashes the notion of a writers strike, because, well, if you look at the article, she doesn’t like a number of new shows for the fall season- specifically, Carpoolers, Gossip Girl and Women’s Murder Club.

Sadly, as stupid as she sounds- and she does sound stupid- the average reader who may not be familiar with the workings of the entertainment business, hears her “spoiled, lazy writers are greedy” subtext and misses out entirely on what this strike is all about.

Her argument is basically, because in her opinion TV sucks, the WGA is way out of line wanting their members to benefit from the work they will do in new media for the next, I don’t know, 25 years.

First of all, obviously, the quality of shows has nothing to do with the collective bargaining agreement. WGA writers don’t get bonus money in their pension for winning an Emmy and they don’t lose any coin for working on “According To Jim”. Secondly, writers don’t select the shows that make the fall schedule, that’s management’s job- so spew your venom on the guy who green-lit Carpoolers, instead of the guy who’s trying to polish the turd, you ass-hat.

This is a woman who is a television critic, knowing nothing about television and using the New York Post as a megaphone to bash the WGA because she’s not into new shows on the CW. And technically, she’s a a writer. Unbelievable.

Look, I don’t like those shows either, but that doesn’t mean I don’t think the guys who wrote them should be allowed to have their kids go to the doctor. This strike is about the content people will be watching on phones, iPods, the internet and other places- as well as what you watch on TV, DVD and in the movie theaters- content networks make and will continue to make BILLIONS of dollars on.

There may be a lot wrong about the WGA, but wanting their members to be paid fairly for the work they do, is not one of those things.

Hey Linda Stasi- you suck.

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